BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIOS

JULY BIOS ARE ON THE WAY!

When you think of July, what comes to mind? The 4th of July? How lame! What about massive insect invasions? Did you ever get stung by a bee--in December? What about ants at your Thanksgiving picnic? And what flies in the door during January? Yes, July has its fireworks and fireflies and other flies besides. Watch out! There's one on your food! Well, Humdinger writers are like the insects of the world. We have a purpose, but no one can really define it. Yeah, we're special. That's the ticket!

JULY HUMDINGER LITERARY E-ZINE BIOS

DANIEL J. DZIEDZIC’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

I have lived my entire life in Chicago. Born and Raised. I love to write and read in my spare time. And I definitely watch too many movies. Way too many. I hope to one day write a screenplay or at least work on film. I have an odd sense of humor and tend to laugh at things most people do not find funny. But what fun is life if you cannot laugh at things? When in doubt, just smile and you will either see a smile in return or a look of confusion. Either is supremely satisfying. I think my humor comes from years of working in retail. Watching people is hysterical sometimes. I am rarely ever angry except when I am woken up, so I try to sleep as little as possible. That's just how I am.

LLOYD H. FRYE’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Born in California in 1947, another surprise to a returning soldier, he grew up in Kansas City, yes, where the slaughterhouses are, and drifted through colleges during the Viet Nam War on a II-S deferment. Worked odd jobs and finally joined electronics manufacturing industry in 1978. NAFTAed in the back in 2003, and unemployed ever since. Bitterness and boredom were the engines of his writing beginning early last year.

Published:

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?   Humdingerzine.com Political Fiction (April, 2006)

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?    Dyingwriters.com

No More Drugs                                  Dyingwriters.com



Contests:

PROMS             Finalist in Space Exploration Writing Contest

Humdingerzine.com (April, 2006)

RICKY GINSBURG’S BRIEF BIO:

Ricky Ginsburg

11161 Sandyshell Way

Boca Raton, Florida 33498

561-488-4815

Fawnridge@bellsouth.net

www.fawnridge.com/ricky

Ricky Ginsburg escaped from New Jersey in 1998 on the eve of his 45^th birthday to the wilds of Southeastern Florida just at the edge of the everglades. He works only when necessary, preferring a day at the beach or the company of scantily clad college girls at Florida Atlantic University.

As a writer he is only minimally published, having restarted his writing career in 2004 with a nine-part tale of competition barbecue in The National Barbecue News. The photo above is from an article in Zone 10 Gardening Magazine (now defunct) that Ricky wrote about solving the mistakes most Northerners make when they try to garden in South Florida.

Ricky has had more than his fair share of fame having exceeded Warhol’s predictions with almost eleven years at WFMU radio (not defunct) and two and half years at WBCN–-Boston (should be defunct.) His radio show at WFMU–-Synthetic Pleasure–-had, for a long while, almost a half million listeners and is most famous for his discovery of Yanni. During that phase of his fame, he wrote and published a magazine also cleverly called Synthetic Pleasure that had over 1000 subscribers at its apogee.

Currently his writings are slanted towards the genre of Magical Realism and can be found on both his website and http://www.zoetrope.com.

CHRIS GOEBEL'S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Every month, our writers have the opportunity to make asses of themselves on this page--or not. Some writers find it refreshing to avoid pretension (and some of my critics say I save that for my writing). I think other writers are pretty eager to read our bios to determine who's the month's biggest ass, second biggest ass and so on. Or, they could be reading to discover which of us should still be on medication. My guess is that many writers still self-medicate. I dunno …

This thingy here's supposed to be about me, so _

(Yes, that was an underscore to indicate how the word "so" fluctuates.) I love movies, particularly comedies and adventures. I'm a lackluster comic and afraid of heights, so I enjoy watching other people get it right. I learned from a friend to rewind movies during funny parts to watch the scene again. Try it. Each time it will make you laugh harder (Try watching Marsha Brady getting a black eye ten times in a row.). Then, it will be imprinted on your brain so you won't lose that comedic thrill over time. The funniest thing in my opinion is Steve Martin's skit, The Waiter. He begins by repeating a woman's steak order: "So, that will be a lard omelette?" Oh, and it just got better and better.

Of course, it makes you want to know if there are lard omelettes….

Speaking of lard, I saw Napolean Dynamite, which was a lackluster movie, but calling his llama Tina a fat lard really got me. I do live for those small lines in horrible movies. Lots of people hated Kung Pow, but I couldn’t stop laughing when the narrator said, “I was raised by rodents…” I think the people sitting behind me wanted to slap me after I laughed for the first five minutes. But little did they know, I had been raised by sludge monkeys from the secret Sahara Desert Marsh….

TIM HARNETT’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Tim Harnett, or when he's feeling snooty, The Reverand Timothy Jay Harnett VII, A.A, B.A, has two favorite words: riboflavin and nomenclature. Riboflavin spelled backwards is nivalfobir, nomenclature is erutalcnemon. In his spare time Tim tries to use these words in sentences. Tim also enjoys acting and sleep, thought not too much of both.

KATHERINE LUCK’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

After the unalterable assertion that she would become a surgeon, Katherine Luck drank cocktails with the President of Finland, dyed her hair green, and received a degree in Theatre Arts from the University of Oregon. Said degree (and hair) meant that she was
perfect for a career in children's social services, working with folks who couldn't speak English. Is it any wonder she's now a freelance writer?

Katherine's Straight-up Bio (boooooring):
A recipient of the 2006 Celebration Foundation Grant for Writing, my short fiction has appeared in several literary publications. I am a member of Seattle Playwrights Studio and Seattle Dramatists, and a number of my plays have received regional and national awards, as well as professional theatre productions.

CHRIS MAJOR’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Chris Major's lack of mental health helps him to empathize with the client group he looks after. Now training as a Psychiatric Nurse, he has happily burnt his chemistry degree. Chapbook The Lowest Level available at htpp://www.whiteleafpress.co.uk, Online chapbook All Of This And Nothing, forthcoming from LILY EZINE in August 2006.

LORENA SMITH'S (LITERARY FICTION EDITOR) BRIEF BIO: Click here to view Lorena's page.

SHELLY SMITH'S (POETRY EDITOR) BRIEF BIO: Click here to view Shelly's page.

SCOTT SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

Scott Sparling is a published writer with four plays, one short story, and many poems in publication. He is a full time balloon entertainer who does magic, paints, and writes for anyone who will pay him. Scott is a part-time ninja master, so his ninja powers only work part of the time.

GiggleWorks is an entertainment company owned and operated by Scott and his wife Chrissie (also in this month’s Humdinger!). Under GiggleWorks, they perform magic shows, balloon animals, face painting, comedy, tarot readings, palm readings and more. The web address is www.giggleworks.net

EDEN TRENOR’S BRIEF BIO:

Raccoons used to live in Eden's backyard, pawing at and peeking into her childhood, next to the cat litter sandbox. Having spent numerous rolls of film on water towers and the shadows of trees on the sides of houses, Eden has finally begun looking down when she walks. Her skin dries in wet weather and she can't help it.

TONY ZURLO’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Tony taught in Nigeria with the Peace Corps in his careless youth. His quest to repel middle age routed him through China. There his students convinced him he'd accumulated too much negative karma in his previous life as a corrupt Qing Dynasty official. So his punishment was reincarnation as an American trapped in Texas. To conceal from editors his age, gender, size, race, religion, politics, and other private predispositions, Tony survives folded up in a back room in Arlington, Texas, working on Alice in Cyberland, his anxiously-awaited history about 21st century American foreign policy.

JUNE EDITION OF HUMDINGER LITERARY E-ZINE, 2006

MARK BENNETT’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

It was a cool, crisp February day in Oregon when the world greeted the arrival of the next great writer. His mother wept tears of joy, his father wept tears of confusion, and the baby boy simply cried out this stanza:

Clouds roll by on sounds of thunder
Lightening tears the trees asunder
Old Man Skeeter's on the tear
Huntin' down a mean old bear

No, it wasn't Garth Brooks . . . it was Mark Bennett, the finest comedy writer in his entire imagination. After enduring an interesting upbringing in the West, attending the University of Oregon to obtain a degree in Biochemistry, he moved out East to be amongst his "people." They have yet to embrace him, as greatness is difficult to behold, yet he works unabashedly in research by day and on his writing by night.

Currently, he's shopping around with a book of short stories and a complete novel . . . have your people call my people if you're interested . . .

JON BERAHYA’S BRIEF BIO:

Jon Berahya is a comedian/writer/artist living in Lexington, Kentucky, with bipolar disorder and his parents, who feed him well. He would like to thank Dr. Shelton for all the medication samples and to the 2003 British Airways flight crews for providing him with safe passage to foreign lands and drinks that he is no longer allowed to partake of.

Note: Jon Berahya’s poem “Venezia” represented Humdinger Literary E-zine at http://www.litmocracy.com and won 2^nd place. Congratulations, Jon!

JONATHAN BERMAN’S BRIEF BIO:

Jonathan Berman, despite his protests to the contrary, was born on Earth between ten and fifty years in the past. His claims to have visited the future should largely be ignored. Anyone who claims to have met him is probably lying. Nothing you have heard about him is true.

H. LOVELYN BETTISON’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

H. Lovelyn Bettison was born into a creative family with a strong storytelling background. Some call it lying. Lovelyn took to this tradition when she was quite young. She, especially, took to it when she had spilled fruit punch on the carpet. Now that she is an adult, Lovelyn makes up stories in her head while driving. The accident she was in a few months ago proves that this can be a dangerous distraction. Occasionally, she gets around to writing these stories down. Sometimes she even allows others to read them.

TIM BRUDEREK, CONTEST JUDGE:

Click here to view Tim's page!

AKIL DRAYTON’S BIO:

And here's a recent photo from a photo shoot of the apple of Akil's eye, his daughter:

I am a young entrepreneur in the telecom field at the moment. I am a father to a very beautiful and intelligent 4-year-old daughter, who I love so. I love to write and since I was turned to it by a 7th grade teacher who read through one of my notebooks and started to make me take notice that my writing was actually credible. I am in the process of collecting current pieces that are written from daily experiences or random thoughts that have been saved and reviewed, be it from the daily stress of work, or a simple smile you noticed from a beautiful woman. I am a very fun loving and comedic character; all who come in contact with me often feel an instant connection and friendship for a long time.

MARGARET FIELAND’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Margaret Fieland lives and works in Massachusetts
where, being an old fogie, she is still working on her
website. You can reach her by email at
madcapmaggie@yahoo.com.

LLOYD H. FRYE’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Born in California in 1947, another surprise to a returning soldier, he grew up in Kansas City, yes, where the slaughterhouses are, and drifted through colleges during the Viet Nam War on a II-S deferment. Worked odd jobs and finally joined electronics manufacturing industry in 1978. NAFTAed in the back in 2003, and unemployed ever since. Bitterness and boredom were the engines of his writing beginning early last year.

Published:

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?   Humdingerzine.com Political Fiction (April, 2006)

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?    Dyingwriters.com

No More Drugs                                  Dyingwriters.com



Contests:

PROMS             Finalist in Space Exploration Writing Contest

Humdingerzine.com (April, 2006)

CHRIS GOEBEL’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

When I came up with the concept behind brief and bizarre bios last September, my thought was that writers need to share something unpretentious with the world—more of our humanity. Or, if you will, our stupidity. While we enjoy one another’s success (okay, not really), we get a kick out of watching others screw up. Which leads to yet another tale of profoundly stupid things that have happened to me, though I refuse to claim these things make me stupid. They are stupid moments (and if you want to read more of mine later, just scroll down the page; I have several different bios on this L-o-o-o-n-n-g page). But just because I have many (okay many, many) stupid moments, doesn’t mean I’m . . . well, you get the picture.

Smoking cigarettes makes one cool. At least that’s what teenagers think and I was no exception. Plus, cigarettes, poetry and rebellion fit together like a skin tight leather outfit and I was both poet and rebel. Which leads to this fantastic moment. I was driving my utterly smooth Chevrolet Malibu, 1972, 40,000 miles only, during this time in 1986. What a truck in a car’s body! I raced Porsches to their devastating shame . . . except at this particular moment, when I was driving down the road that entered my subdivision.

With my coolness enveloping me, I pulled a slow drag off my cigarette, probably puffed out a few rings, checked myself in the mirror (tres teen, no?), and went to flick my ashes in the ashtray. But I missed the ashtray. The embers fell onto the carpet of my new-for-me car! I quickly wiped away at them, while attempting to avoid what I was sure would result in an explosion. When I looked up, it was just in time to see the local bar’s wooden fence fly off the hood of my car. Naturally, the Malibu didn’t retain a scratch, not that I stopped long enough to see!

Click here to read my blog.

VICTORIA GUIDI'S BRIEF BIO:

If she did not spend so much time writing unfinished stories, Victoria would open her own Key Lime pie bakery, with a menu that included: mandarin-lime pie, chocolate-mint-lime pie, and strawberry-mango-lime pie.

JEFFREY SCOTT JEWETT’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Fiction. Like this part right here, you reading my bio. As though my works are displayed at the grocery market, in the magazine section. I'm on the top rack of paperbacks. You reach for a copy, then regard the front cover: New York Times says, “It’s enchanting!” Boston Globe says, “For a black guy who can’ spell, it’ a knockout!”

Then you turn the paperback over and regard my picture.

Like this part right here, you reading my bio.

JOE KANE’S BRIEF BIO:

I am a pirate, a poet, a lover and a pup-it, but I am missing a couple of strings. I have been lying in a box gathering dust for the longest time. So I have decided to bust out and take life by the horns and live fully. I got one eye and one arm, so it’s going to be hard to see it all and give life a big hug, but I am game for a try.

"Give me writing or give me death," is what I say. My dreams include sailing around the world to bring world attention to the abilities of the "physically challenged." They say it’s important to do things in your mind first, and then to do them for real. So far, I have seen myself sail to the end of the Delaware River ... it’s a start. I can be found during the weekends on the tall ship Gazela, located in Philadelphia up aloft. Please don't wave at me if you visit, I might wave back and that would be bad.They call me "JackB.Nimble," also “Joe the one-armed pirate” and “that guy who tells all the jokes.”

I presently live in a "Dollar house" which I got from the city to fix up. See Drexel Bogg dragonfire "WELCOME BACK Kane" 215 SECTION. 10th edition 2005.

I am writing my first book, a joke book. Hobbies include: getting destroyed in billiards, suffering greatly at tennis, and getting either wet/hit in the head/or sea sick sailing. I do stand-up comedy at the Laugh House open mic nights and tell lies about what it is like living in Gray’s Ferry. Got to duck ... someone is shooting outside....

STAN KRAJEWSKI’S BRIEF BIO:

Born in New York, I quickly had passion that came alive in all that I do, singing in chorus all through grade school, as well as art classes, plays, and photography. It was at twelve years old that I discovered what was to become my rite of passage into the world of creative paths that have opened up in my life. Going up into the attic one day, I found my mother’s high school year book. Upon opening the pages, I stopped at “Aspirations.” “Singer and Actress” was my mom’s passion, and although it was not lived in the sense in which we have always followed, it was transformed in such a way that delivered her spirit to the world. With 6 children to raise, Margaret Keddy Woll would belt out a tune that engulfed the entire world. It was years later that what I had found was that rite of passage for my own life. What was not used was passed on, and with that, I gratefully share this with the world with honor and passion. May you find all what I do, all that I write, and all that I bring forward live with that seed that was passed
on so long ago.

Stan Krajewski’s a photographer as well as poet. You can view his photography at:

www.stankrajewskigallery.com
2006 National Art Show Part 2-Abstract
in submission
"Dancing Trees"
"Untitled"
voting from June 1 thru June 30
at www.guestsgallery.com

ANDREW MILLER’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

In an attempt to create structure around the abstract, Andrew Miller voices his work in both visual and literary eloquence. This Seattle artist has generated astonishing style and imagery within the past five years, forming a stranglehold on the art of hand painted photography. His work in this field has spawned numerous venues for creative outlet, including that of sculpture, sketch and collage art, collaborative film and creative writing. You may visit his website at http://www.mantisart.com for a more in depth look at some of his work.

BRIAN QUASS’ BRIEF BIO:

Usually, when I write my autobiographies (for my various Web sites, including NorthAmericanOwls.com and Quass.com), I use the third-person in order to give myself permission to boast while simultaneously tricking some of my more gullible readers into thinking that I actually have a staff working for me. But since this ruse would be unlikely to work here (and perhaps even conflict with the expectations of the editor to whom this introduction is addressed) I'll just say that I'm a Northern Virginia webmaster who writes, principally, about owls—although to be fair, the owls themselves have been doing much of the work lately, as my daytime closed-captioning job continues to demand the lion's share of my editorial attention. (Obviously, I still have to proof what the birds come up with, though, since it's a well-known fact that owls aren't the smartest raptor in the aviary!)

(HUMDINGER EDITOR, LITERARY FICTION) LORENA SMITH'S BRIEF BIO:

LORENA HAS HER OWN PAGE! CLICK HERE!

(HUMDINGER EDITOR, POETRY) ROCHELLE SMITH’S BRIEF BIO:

It says Rochelle, but I only answer to Shelly. Born in the east,

townhouses stacked like dominoes on a tree lined street where I would catch a firefly and watch its light extinguish over the course of an evening while Grandpa lectured me on what was right, and why people drove too fast. Lived in the middle; gray skies and cold slushy streets, rust and iron and structures that serve no purpose, other than irony. Workers unite and the mob beats them down and now we name streets and highways after them. The ghetto is not slovenly but depressing, and I miss it and the revolution that was constantly simmering just below the crust. I now am slowly reducing my consciousness in the southwest where there is only beautiful weather and consumerism stretching across the desert to the final drips of the Colorado River. I've studied the English language and of course English literature. I've studied with the best, I've worked with the worst and I am somewhere in between a good deed and punishment.

I believe that the written word is the strongest and most visceral communication possible on our tiny little planet.

If you looked at my collection of books and music, you might think I was schizophrenic and I've discussed it with my doctor and he doesn't agree. Eclectic implies choice of matter and art is not a choice but a scream of indignation and corrosion -acid etching on the contempt of a linear culture and almost predisposed digression that denies all and celebrates insanity.

“The most original authors are not so because they advance what is new, but because they put what they have to say as if it had never been said before.”—Goethe

SCOTT SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

Scott Sparling is a published writer with four plays, one short story, and many poems in publication. He is a full time balloon entertainer who does magic, paints, and writes for anyone who will pay him. Scott is a part-time ninja master, so his ninja powers only work part of the time.

GiggleWorks is an entertainment company owned and operated by Scott and his wife Chrissie (also in this month’s Humdinger!). Under GiggleWorks, they perform magic shows, balloon animals, face painting, comedy, tarot readings, palm readings and more. The web address is www.giggleworks.net

SOPHYA VIDAL’S BRIEF BIO:

Hey there! My name is Sophya and I am just beginning to try to publish my work. I love music, art, and theatre. Lived in New York, now reside in Portland OR. Born on an Army base in Panama. I have a Pug. His name is Willie. Yup. That's about it. Later.

AMBERINE WILSON’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

About nine months before I was born, my parents stayed at a little bed and breakfast called The Amber Inn. In a haze of inspiration, they named me Amberine. I am thankful everyday that I was not conceived at The Ramada. Raised by a bunch of bearded, long haired, hippy musicians who smoked “special cigarettes,” I developed a passion for music at a very young age. By six, I could tell you the title of every Beatles’ Album. Needless to say, the arts were big in my happy household; story telling and comedy were a must around this crew. With my creativity nicely cultivated, I soon began telling my own stories and playing music. At 28, I have a Bachelor’s degree in English Literature and a well-paying job as a cocktail waitress. The bittersweet pill of Graduate School is sitting on my nightstand and as I fill out applications and take GREs, I find myself finally willing to share my stories with the public.

MAY EDITION OF HUMDINGER LITERARY E-ZINE, 2006

JON BERAHYA’S BRIEF BIO:

Jon Berahya is a comedian/writer/artist living in Lexington, Kentucky, with bipolar disorder and his parents, who feed him well. He would like to thank Dr. Shelton for all the medication samples and to the 2003 British Airways flight crews for providing him with safe passage to foreign lands and drinks that he is no longer allowed to partake of.

Note: Jon Berahya’s poem “Venezia” represented Humdinger Literary E-zine at http://www.litmocracy.com. He is currently being published in many publications.

BEN BOSTICK’S BRIEF BIO:

Ben Bostick is a strange and terrible new American talent. He never stays in one place long enough for the post office to catch up to him and he disdains the thought of settling down. He makes money, he says, by being a pro.

Although very little is known about this frightening character, he is one of the most intriguing figures in modern literature. He has a unique, flamboyant style, and is sometimes cited as being a “genius,” though more often as a “hack.” He can be reached at his only permanent address: bdbostick@gmail.com

ANNE CAHALAN’S BRIEF BIO:

Anne Cahalan's father once told her that she could take mind altering hallucinogenic drugs and no one would notice. She was eight at the time. She does not have an MFA in anything, owns no pets, and does not know what Brando would do.

CARMEN DIODE’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

Carmen Diode is a complex personality and his essence can not be adequately conveyed in a cheesy biographical sketch.

In other times Carmen Diode would be characterized as a “renaissance man;” he does many things, but none particularly well (more fun to do many things in a half-assed way than to do one thing really well).

Penthouse Letters drew Carmen to literature and later inspired him to write, himself. Carmen has distinguished himself by writing in a charming and entertaining style about the things for which he has great passion: food, golf, politics, small engine repair and thong underwear.

Recently Carmen has become a champion and advocate for the “free-range” style of writing. In “free-range writing,” the focus is on entertainment value. Carmen believes that too much emphasis has been placed, historically, on things like grammar, spelling, punctuation, originality and factual accuracy. This results in work that is boring to read and it has the added tendency to turn away people who want to write but don’t have the time or interest to adhere to constraints that have long outlived their usefulness. The “free-range writer” writes for fun and to entertain and without regard to whether the work is plagiarized from someone else.

On a visit to Taos, Mexico in the summer of 2005, Carmen had a spiritual revelation and is sometimes channeled by Chief Joseph—the famous Indian warrior and leader of the Nez Perce nation.

LLOYD H. FRYE’S BRIEF BIO:

Born in California in 1947, another surprise to a returning soldier, he grew up in Kansas City, yes, where the slaughterhouses are, and drifted through colleges during the Viet Nam War on a II-S deferment. Worked odd jobs and finally joined electronics manufacturing industry in 1978. NAFTAed in the back in 2003, and unemployed ever since. Bitterness and boredom were the engines of his writing beginning early last year.

Published:

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?   Humdingerzine.com Political Fiction (April, 2006)

Is There Anything Wrong Officer?    Dyingwriters.com

No More Drugs                                     Dyingwriters.com



Contests:

PROMS                                              Finalist in Space Exploration Writing Contest              Humdingerzine.com (April, 2006)



RICKY GINSBURG’S BRIEF BIO:

Ricky Ginsburg

11161 Sandyshell Way

Boca Raton, Florida 33498

561-488-4815

Fawnridge@bellsouth.net

www.fawnridge.com/ricky

Ricky Ginsburg escaped from New Jersey in 1998 on the eve of his 45^th birthday to the wilds of Southeastern Florida just at the edge of the everglades. He works only when necessary, preferring a day at the beach or the company of scantily clad college girls at Florida Atlantic University.

As a writer he is only minimally published, having restarted his writing career in 2004 with a nine-part tale of competition barbecue in The National Barbecue News. The photo above is from an article in Zone 10 Gardening Magazine (now defunct) that Ricky wrote about solving the mistakes most Northerners make when they try to garden in South Florida.

Ricky has had more than his fair share of fame having exceeded Warhol’s predictions with almost eleven years at WFMU radio (not defunct) and two and half years at WBCN–-Boston (should be defunct.) His radio show at WFMU–-Synthetic Pleasure–-had, for a long while, almost a half million listeners and is most famous for his discovery of Yanni. During that phase of his fame, he wrote and published a magazine also cleverly called Synthetic Pleasure that had over 1000 subscribers at its apogee.

Currently his writings are slanted towards the genre of Magical Realism and can be found on both his website and http://www.zoetrope.com.

CHRIS GOEBEL’S BRIEF BIO:

At the age of four, I learned that invisibility doesn’t exist when our German Shepherd tried to hide under the sofa—leaving her rear end exposed. Nope, she wasn’t invisible. That didn’t keep me from trying to hide under blankets, in corners, cabinets, in creepy places, searching for invisibility. One day I thought I found it while camping. No one could find me. Then I tripped and rolled down a steep hill and, Indiana Jones style, raised my head to face a snake that definitely saw me. Humans can reverse at high speeds, on occasion. This was one of those.

Besides wishing to be invisible, I’ve wanted to fly. This may be genetic and I won’t mention names, but I had a family member try to fly and if they hadn’t leaped off the roof first and learned their mortality (and the softness of human bones), surely I would’ve learned the same lesson. A landspeeder would be nice, but I really want to body glide over the air. I’ve pondered the practicality of flying cars and determined we’re currently too stupid to have them. Why? Just where are those cars going to wreck? Murphy’s Law says over Your House.

So, remaining flightless and visible, I must create worlds where this is a possibility. I write all kinds of things (and am a true multi-genre reader and writer) and guess what I’d say to the new writer is to keep writing all the time. If someone doesn’t like something you write, make sure you’ve written enough material to not give a damn. This cool attitude isn’t heartless: it allows us to fashion great things out of the empty spaces in our minds and deliver them up to a world that would collapse without the strength of artists’ imaginations (be you painter, writer, actor, whathaveyou, you paint the mindscape for others to follow!). Click any of the following blue links to get to know me better :) Read my Blog. Read my page for writers. Be way cool and sign up for my monthly newsletter for writers.

F.I. GOLDHABER’S BRIEF BIO:

http://www.goldhaber.net

F.I. Goldhaber grew up in the United States of America. She has lived in sixteen cities (if you only count the ones she stayed in for longer than six months) in ten states (and visited all fifty). She started telling stories the moment she could speak and writing them down as soon as she learned how to form letters. In more than a quarter century as a professional writer, she has produced news stories, feature articles, editorial columns, reviews, public relations and marketing materials, advertising copy, novels, short stories, novelettes, and poems. She has had a novelette, short stories, and poems published in magazines, anthologies, and e-zines.



HEATHER COOK LINDSAY’S BRIEF BIO:

Heather Cook Lindsay is a 34 year old resident of Bangor, ME. She is also probably too late with this biography.

In fact, she is habitually late. With what? You name it--taxes, the water bill, the cats' shots. Heather grew up in an oxygen tent (yes, for real) and mistakenly assumed that her world would always exist in a quiet, well-oxygenated bubble of safety and that she would be forever flanked by nothing else but books, transparent walls and glasses of ginger ale, with ice. Oh, how wrong she was. Life has been precarious and nerve-wracking ever since. However, were she to have stayed in the bubble, perhaps she would nothing else to say but "The condensation is oppressive in here!"

Thanks for reading.

J.B. PRAVDA’S BRIEF BIO:

Website: www.angrysponge.com

A Brief History of (MY) Time: Born Brooklyn, NY on virtually the same day, if not hour as one Stevey Speilberg (he knows, it only counts if he reciprocates in his bio), began a career in law and politics as a Washington, D.C. ‘kid’ lawyer with the Federal Government during Watergate, where he immediately ‘Felt’ something was amiss (why do we sometimes capitalize those two words … must be that Orwell was right), then as a lobbyist, then social entrepreneur (while this is indeed a paradoxical combo, one must follow the other as a matter of conscience or, simply cleaning up one's own mess...) and private businessman. He has been a prolific writer in all genres, with an emphasis on short works, including microfiction/flash fiction as well as short One Act Plays; most recently his work has been featured at the innovative Warholesque gallery in NYC, Unpublished Underground www.unpublishedunderground.com, where, as a featured founding member/ writer his latest collection, “An Attention-Deficit Anthology or Short Walks Through a Long Now” is featured.

During a lengthy bout with prostate cancer (now, fully recovered and very active), he began a life-long deferred goal: creative writing; since then, he has been fortunate enough in less than a year to have been published in several genres, both print and electronic, as well as to gain WGAE literary representation; for exemplars of his work, mostly short fiction, with several screenplays, feature and short, see: [note:some are written under pen name, J.N. Baron]

LORENA SMITH'S BRIEF BIO:



LORENA HAS HER OWN PAGE! CLICK HERE!

ROCHELLE SMITH’S BRIEF BIO:

It says Rochelle, but I only answer to Shelly. Born in the east, townhouses stacked like dominoes on a tree lined street where I would catch a firefly and watch its light extinguish over the course of an evening while Grandpa lectured me on what was right, and why people drove too fast. Lived in the middle; gray skies and cold slushy streets, rust and iron and structures that serve no purpose, other than irony. Workers unite and the mob beats them down and now we name streets and highways after them. The ghetto is not slovenly but depressing, and I miss it and the revolution that was constantly simmering just below the crust. I now am slowly reducing my consciousness in the southwest where there is only beautiful weather and consumerism stretching across the desert to the final drips of the Colorado River. I’ve studied the English language and of course English literature. I’ve studied with the best; I’ve worked with the worst and I am somewhere in between a good deed and punishment.

I believe that the written word is the strongest and most visceral communication possible on our tiny little planet.

If you looked at my collection of books and music, you might think I was schizophrenic and I’ve discussed it with my doctor and he doesn’t agree. Eclectic implies choice of matter and art is not a choice but a scream of indignation and corrosion–acid etching on the contempt of a linear culture and almost predisposed digression that denies all and celebrates insanity.

“The most original authors are not so because they advance what is new, but because they put what they have to say as if it had never been said before.” Goethe

CHRISSIE SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

I’m a magician.



SCOTT SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

Scott Sparling is a published writer with four plays, one short story, and many poems in publication. He is a full time balloon entertainer who does magic, paints, and writes for anyone who will pay him. Scott is a part-time ninja master, so his ninja powers only work part of the time.

GiggleWorks is an entertainment company owned and operated by Scott and his wife Chrissie (also in this month’s Humdinger!). Under GiggleWorks, they perform magic shows, balloon animals, face painting, comedy, tarot readings, palm readings and more. The web address is www.giggleworks.net

APRIL EDITION OF HUMDINGER LITERARY E-ZINE, 2006

FAITH BRODY’S BRIEF BIO:

Faith Brody has lived in the allegedly odd state of New Jersey for her entire life, where she has gone through a number of unusual hobbies from student filmmaking to firing pistols at the local shooting range. This May she will be graduating from The University of the Arts in Philadelphia, where she will be receiving a BFA in Writing for Film and Television. She has no children, three cute cats, two wacky but loving parents, too many pairs of shoes, and her grandmother's old car. Faith also runs a local wedding videography business with her boyfriend, Freddie. Her first play, Christmas Eve, will debut in April at her school. She hopes to someday become famous enough to have a bad actress portray her in a Lifetime movie version of her life, hopefully after the nervous breakdown.

CARMINE CAPOBIANCO’S BRIEF BIO:

Carmine Capobianco has been writing silly stuff for years. As he aged, his stuff became sillier and more inane. He is the co-author of several movie scripts of which he claims four have been actually produced. His favorite was Psychos In Love, in which he also starred. You can also read his name in the credits of Galactic Gigolo, And Then? and the ever-awful Cemetery High.

He has been in several films and the most recent, The Land of College Prophets has just been released on DVD. Carmine's working on a book of silly short stories and hopes to someday sleep past noon.

LES COMBS’ BRIEF BIO:

When Les, a native Californian, moved to Arkansas he discovered a slower-paced lifestyle suited to his taste. There was much to write about, people not in the mainstream with stories to be told. Bubba lives. For more, see the following:

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-06-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-11-story2.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-01-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-08-story3.shtml

Editor’s Note: Les was modest enough not to include many editions of Humdinger under his credits. He’s one of the few Humdinger award-winning writers!

SUZANNE COSQUER’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

British born Suzanne Cosquer taught English in six European countries before moving to Canada and writing her first novel, Reaching Mazury, an East West, post Communist love story and winner of the February 2005 Donard Publishing novel writing competition.

Whilst bringing up her three young children, she has begun writing short stories and is already working (at night) on her second novel.

SYLVIE MORGAN FLATOW’S BRIEF BIO:

Sylvie Morgan Flatow received her B.A. in English from UMass-Amherst and now works in the Film Department of Curtis Brown Literary Agency, where she assists three agents with their book-to-movie deals. Her poetry has been published in Great Kills Press (greatkillspress.com), Farmhouse Magazine (farmhousemagazine.com), and BITEMagazine (bite-magazine.com). She lives in Brooklyn where she enjoys fierce games of Scrabble and her backyard after midnight.

ROBERT FOX’S BRIEF BIO:

Photo by Diana Bautz

Name: Robert B. Fox

DOB: 10/6/80

Location: Chicago, IL

Place of Birth: Chicago, IL

E-mail: Puffaluppagus@aol.com

Hobbies/Interests: Reading, writing, classic cinema, reading/writing poetry, cricket (yes, we have that funny British game here too!), playing the bagpipes, listening to jazz/rock/classical music, travel, animals (I have two rabbits, Acorn-rah and Blackberry).

Influences: Dalton Trumbo, John Steinbeck, Hunter S. Thompson, Ken Kesey, Joseph Heller, Mary Shelley, Edgar Allan Poe, H. David Thoreau, William S. Burroughs, John Steinbeck, Jack Kerouac, Tom (not Thomas, though he's good too) Wolfe, Vladimir Nabokov, Frank Norris, Upton Sinclair, J.D. Salinger, Kurt Vonnegut, Jean Shepherd, Friedrich Nietzsche, Truman Capote, Stephen King, John Cheever, Richard Adams, Bret Easton Ellis, George Orwell, Norman Mailer, Anthony Burgess.

DELILAH GOMEZ’S BRIEF BIO:

Delilah Gomez prides herself on being able to say she is the only person to ever make out with a guy while standing atop a bald fat man covered in tattoos as he lays on a bed of rusting nails on Fourth of July in Coney Island. She is 21, enjoys sushi and clove cigarettes and is currently being featured in Block Magazine with her article "Portraits Of Brooklyn." Her plays are competing nationally with the American College Theatre Festival. Expect to see her in the April edition of Outcry On-line Magazine with her piece "Dead Of December."

PAUL HANDORFF’S BRIEF BIO:

PAUL HANDORFF closely resembles a very attractive 39-year-old Seattle native, who portrays an expiring old aspiring writer and visionary. In spite of his afflictions, and the fact that his ability to fathom things remotely seems to be weakening with age, he has been known to, on a rare occasion, conjure up some vague and non-descript philosophy on this thing we all call “whatever.”

This decorated spelling bee champion of “77,” someone at some point has called self-proclaimed “vocabularian,” “the creator of things unseen.” And get this. Because of the fact that he has no formal or informal literary training or experience whatsoever, this critic found that this writer was indeed one to be counted on for a unique grammatical experience. Expect countless errors and misrepresentations, coupled with numerous flawed grammatical displays of inferiority on a regular basis. A definite “shover and maker” in the literal world of words, He has, somehow, largely remained anonymous in the community to date. The subject matter and issues that he prefers to comment on, however, are largely of little or no interest to the living reader, and He is now being called the most sought after after life writer amongst the dead or near dead, proclaiming to rule the underground network of illiterate readers in this dimensional existence. Definitively someone that is getting harder to ignore.

Due to his unique perspectives and flagrantly foul insights, He has almost, just about clinched a spot in the preliminary, and just may be, quite possibly be due to become confirmed as an alternate proxy substitute’s replacement assistant aide helper add-on, in-lieu of candidate, nominee WOW!! LOOKS LIKE A SHOE-IN! GOOD LUCK PAUL!

However, don’t be fooled by his good looks, charismatic charm, and general, all around, sense of kindness and well being. This flamboyant, drag queen type of poet is easily identified by his vulgar misuse of those run-of-the-mill, middle of the road, fly by the seat of your pants at night, top notch, bottom feeder, bring it on, type of, bite off more than he can chew, top of the morning to you, see you in hell, fish out of water, larger than life, Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, kill or be killed, dead sea scrolls, living on the edge, style of metaphors and comparisons, as well as the constant use of out of date verbs.

Moving right along, this guy is one you definitely want to look out for. A real farce to be wrecking, So, stay away from his other examples of some sort of poetry like substitutes and submissions as well, by avoiding his web site at:.http://www.myspace.com/asiseeitalland forget him at his mailto:handorff@hotmail.com.

JOE KANE’S BRIEF BIO:

I am a pirate, a poet, a lover and a pup-it, but I am missing a couple of strings. I have been lying in a box gathering dust for the longest time. So I have decided to bust out and take life by the horns and live fully. I got one eye and one arm, so it’s going to be hard to see it all and give life a big hug, but I am game for a try.

"Give me writing or give me death," is what I say. My dreams include sailing around the world to bring world attention to the abilities of the "physically challenged." They say it’s important to do things in your mind first, and then to do them for real. So far, I have seen myself sail to the end of the Delaware River ... it’s a start. I can be found during the weekends on the tall ship Gazela, located in Philadelphia up aloft. Please don't wave at me if you visit, I might wave back and that would be bad.They call me "JackB.Nimble," also “Joe the one-armed pirate” and “that guy who tells all the jokes.”

I presently live in a "Dollar house" which I got from the city to fix up. See Drexel Bogg dragonfire "WELCOME BACK Kane" 215 SECTION. 10th edition 2005.

I am writing my first book, a joke book. Hobbies include: getting destroyed in billiards, suffering greatly at tennis, and getting either wet/hit in the head/or sea sick sailing. I do stand-up comedy at the Laugh House open mic nights and tell lies about what it is like living in Gray’s Ferry. Got to duck ... someone is shooting outside....

SCOTT LANDES’ BRIEF BIO:

I believe that self-esteem is the 2nd greatest power in the universe. Thanks to months of training with my life coach and mentor, Brian Moist, who is neither accredited nor accomplished, I feel like it is time for me to step into power and passion in my life. I recently started a film treatment about my divorced parents entitled Powerknife VS Axewolf. I also grew up in Baltimore.

ANGEL LOGAN’S BIO #2:

Angel Logan has been writing for 24 years, from poetry to short stories to professional letters to speeches—for anyone that asks for her assistance. In fact, Angel has also written a quote for a greeting card company out of California, called Kate Harper Designs. The quote needed to reflect edgy, real life humor and it also explains Angel too: "I only do yoga, so I can polish my toenails."

Anyone that knows Angel, knows that she isn't a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl. She is a pre-Madonna type almost always in heels and a dress and would rather exercise her mind than stand on her head. But everyone appreciates that about her and accepts her just as she is, as she accepts everyone in her life.

Angel's first priority is to sell several books, to touch the hearts of her readers and help them remember that no matter what, there is always hope. However, she would also like to sell enough books, to buy her dreamhouse for her and her husband. It isn't a mansion nor is it a cottage, but it will cost a lot of books. This house is worth it though, because it is the perfect home to make everlasting memories and write many more books, which Angel intends to do.

Regardless of her journey or what she writes, Angel wants to give her readers a vision into the window of life, to help them find their wings to fly!

Angel Logan, Published Author
Wings of an Angel Poetry Collection
Thought Provoking and Picturesque Poetry Collection
Captures The Essence of Life's Journey Through a Season of Promise
ISBN# 1-4134-2967-X

"A Vision Into The Window Of Life, To Help You Find Your Wings To Fly!"

Read selections of Angel’s book at:

Angel Logan | The Official Web Site: www.wingsofanangel.us

Note: Winner of Humdinger Literary E-zine’s Garden Poetry Contest.

SARAH MACCARELLI’S BRIEF BIO:

I am a 24-year old psychology major who enjoys writing, dancing, and reading. I love purple and I hate mustaches. I have several books in the works, and a blog, which you can view here: http://bloggerparty.com/blog/pchan33

JULIA E. MARTIN’S BIO:

Julia E. Martin is a freelance writer/part-time poet who lives just outside of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania with her dog, her cat, and a rare and giant goldfish. They all get along quite well. Since 2002, she had published more newspaper stories than she can count and has won several poetry contests. A classic late-bloomer/introvert/procrastinator, this is her first foray into public with fiction since she was a ten-year old runner-up in the Disney Adventure's Magazine Short Story Contest.

LOUISE NORLIE’S BRIEF BIO:

When Louise Norlie is not working full time or playing the piano, she is probably writing. She'd like to do all three at once if she could. She has a rare bone disorder known by a convoluted Latin name and is desperately seeking a publisher for her novel on growing up with a disability. Her stories have appeared in many prominent disability publications and are upcoming on the international publication Disability Studies Quarterly. She also writes fiction in many other genres, ranging from the absurdly comic, to the gory, to the tragic and can be found at all hours in a state of frenzied inspiration.

Louise Norlie is characterized by her unexplainable preference for what is unpopular and difficult. She likes writing and reading literary criticism. Her essay on Susan Sontag's “Against Interpretation” was published this February in elimae. Louise also loves to read anything by Henry James. Links to her online publications can be found here:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/louise_norlie

MEGAN RENEHAN’S BRIEF BIO:

Megan Renehan passes her days in Chicago, Illinois by writing fantastic fiction beloved by one and all. At least, that's what she tells herself every time she submits a piece. She has a semi-unhealthy love for grammar. Despite popular opinion, she thinks Tristan is a wonderful name for a cat, and she stands by the choice.

EDWARD SHAW’S BRIEF BIO:

Edward Shaw has spent most of his adult life in and around the theater, full-time when possible, part-time when necessary. As an alumnus of Antioch College (Yellow Springs, OH), he returned to his alma mater in the Summer of 1966 to co-produce the College’s Summer Theatre Festival, which featured such works as Archibald MacLeish’s J.B. (with the playwright in residence), Waiting for Godot, Don Juan in Hell, and A Thousand Clowns.

From 1967-69, Shaw served as Managing Editor of STAGE Magazine, the Program for the Fisher Theatre in Detroit, Michigan (his home town); and then, late in 1969, he migrated to San Francisco. There, with the support of a most generous wife and helpmate, he was able to devote the next two and a half years exclusively to his writing.

During this extremely productive period, he wrote his first full-length play (Suertes de Matar), a play on the ‘lives’ of Ernest Hemingway; and a script (requested but later rejected as “politically incorrect”) for CBS’s Hollywood Television Theater. It was during this period, too, that Shaw wrote the majority of the short fictional pieces (Blaney Street Sketches) that he would continue to expand over the next three decades, and then employ as the source for several of the characters, and a major plot device, in his latest musical work, The Shepherd of Blaney Street, his second full-length musical.

In 1986, Shaw met David Strickland, his principal musical collaborator, when they were both engaged by a division of General Motors to conceive, write, and produce a 45-minute, live, “Broadway” musical for the annual meeting of the GM’s 6,000 Chevrolet dealers and their families. The show ran for two weeks in Bally’s Zeigfield Theatre in Las Vegas, and it was the beginning of both a personal friendship and a professional collaboration that were to become, for Shaw, a driving force of his creative life.

In the Winter of 1988, when Detroit’s Attic Theatre found its Christmas show a little “short” for content, they commissioned the Strickland/Shaw team to come up with a brief curtain raiser. This turned out to be Two-Time & Bags, a musical tale of Christmas magic concerning two most unlikely characters—refugees from the city’s closed-down mental hospital who’d just found themselves helpless, hopeless, alone on the streets. The show featured a new Christmas carol written by the team, called Came A Stranger.

Ed is the author of three published books and several professional articles in a number of fields, and he lives in the Detroit suburb of West Bloomfield with his beloved cat, Liebchen. He's an avid Tigers and Red Wings fan, and his hobbies include writing, reading, and inventing games—one of which he sold (in 1983) to the Selchow & Righter ("Scrabble") Company, and another of which is was marketed by Action Puzzles, Inc., of Troy (MI).

JILL K. SHELLABARGER’S BRIEF BIO:

I will graduate from Portland State University with a M.S. in English/Writing with an emphasis on Book Publishing through Ooligan Press in June/2006. I am employed at Collectors Press, Inc. in Tigard, Oregon as a Sales and Marketing Manager. I have had a creative fiction piece featured in The Irreverent Fish Literary Journal and have had articles published in The Bridge, the community college newspaper for Portland Community College.

As a child of the theater in Ashland, Oregon, I grew a fond appreciation for Shakespeare at an early age and was privileged to be in Merry Wives of Windsor as a town child and a fairy at the tender age of eleven. I'm the grand-niece of Samuel Shellabarger, author of Prince of Foxes (starring Orson Wells) and Lord Vanity. I have, since moving away from Ashland, been a baker, a hairstylist, a barista, and have worked with homeless and runaway youths. I collect antique books and appreciate good debate over rich red wines. I live by myself in Portland among good friends and a community of biblio-geeks that are like-minded.

BRIEF BIO OF ROCHELLE SMITH:

It says Rochelle, but I only answer to Shelly. Born in the east, townhouses stacked like dominoes on a tree lined street where I would catch a firefly and watch its light extinguish over the course of an evening while Grandpa lectured me on what was right, and why people drove too fast. Lived in the middle; gray skies and cold slushy streets, rust and iron and structures that serve no purpose. Workers unite and the mob beats them down and now we name streets and highways after them. The ghetto is not slovenly but depressing, and I miss it and the revolution that was constantly simmering just below the crust. I now am slowly reducing my consciousness in the southwest where there is only beautiful weather and consumerism stretching across the desert to the final drips of the Colorado River. I’ve studied the English language and of course English literature. I’ve studied with the best, I’ve worked with the worst and I am somewhere in between a good deed and punishment.

If you looked at my collection of books and music, you might think I was schizophrenic and I’ve discussed it with my doctor and he doesn’t agree. Eclectic implies choice of matter and art is not a choice but a scream of indignation and corrosion –acid etching on the contempt of a two party system that denies all and celebrates insanity. My space is— http://www.myspace.com/shellyasmith --come and see me sometimes.

SCOTT SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

Scott Sparling is a published writer with four plays, one short story, and many poems in publication. He is a full time balloon entertainer who does magic, paints, and writes for anyone who will pay him. Scott is a part-time ninja master, so his ninja powers only work part of the time.

GiggleWorks is an entertainment company owned and operated by Scott and his wife Chrissie (also in this month’s Humdinger!). Under GiggleWorks, they perform magic shows, balloon animals, face painting, comedy, tarot readings, palm readings and more. The web address is www.giggleworks.net

ROBERT SWIPE’S BRIEF BIO:

Robert Swipe is Rothergavenny's most revered weblog comedian. Born in 1965—against the tide of medical opinion—he began writing in the early 1980s when pencils were taken off the list of rationed goods. By 1999, he had learned to shape certain letter forms so convincingly that he was awarded a first class honours degree in Municipal Waste Management at a well-known British University (... it is very well known but unfortunately also very poor academically).

In 2004, he set up his own weblog, The Robert Swipe Show (http://rswipe.blogspot.com) and expects the first visitor to the site any day soon. For many years, Bob has been conducting an on/off love affair with writer and broadcaster Rowan Pelling and fans of romance should keep their diaries free on 27th May of this year when Bob finally intends to break the news to Rowan.

CORTNEY TODD’S BRIEF BIO:

I used to drive a motorcycle. That was when I lived in San Francisco. Single. I often cut work to go to Tahoe and ski. I dyed purple streaks in my hair that strangely enough matched the bags beneath my eyes. I took up the saxophone and played ultimate frisbee. I peed outside often. I never cooked, but knew the phone numbers to at least fourteen carry out places within walking distance. I tanned on the roof whenever it was warm enough. And I was known to eat food on a dare.

Now I drive a Rav4, with a baby seat in the back. I live in Chicago and I’m buzzed on a glass of wine. I look like a soccer mom, which in my opinion is scarier than the purple hair but much easier to maintain. I still have bags under my eyes. My saxophone is dusty and I play frisbee with the dog. I pee in the shower because it saves time. I’m a whiz with the microwave, but frequently eat baby food because it’s all that is in the house. And I carry my computer underneath the stroller because I never know when I’ll get a free moment to write.

PS. I just read this to my husband and I am no longer allowed to pee in the shower.

SOPHYA VIDAL’S BRIEF BIO:

Hey there! My name is Sophya and I am just beginning to try to publish my work. I love music, art, and theatre. Lived in New York, now reside in Portland, OR. Born on an Army base in Panama. I have a Pug. His name is Willie. Yup. That's about it. Later.

If the world were sane … Hmm … men would ride sidesaddle.
—Sophya, AKA Raven

DENNIS VOORHEES’ BRIEF BIO:

Dennis Arlo Voorhees spends most of his time arranging toothpicks pornographically, re-enacting greyhound races in the Nordstrom parking lot, and betting on spiders in his basement apartment. He believes the moon is a black and white photograph, and he is dragging the night sky back into poetry, stuffing star-filled metaphors down the throats of old poets. His book Milk Replacer can be found at www.powells.com and in the milk room of dairy farms across America. Arlo is the host of the Broken Word Poetry Reading, which occurs every Tuesday night in NE Portland.

ANNA-LYNNE WILLIAMS’ BRIEF BIO:

Anna-Lynne Williams lives in Seattle, WA where she sings and writes music with Trespassers William. Her early works are collected in the book Split Infinitive and her songs can be heard in several independent films and on the latest Chemical Brothers album, Push the Button.

DAVID YOUNG’S BRIEF BIO:

Scuba diving chickens that search for pirate treasure in the coves of the Caribbean. Crafty and quick are they who desire one thing and one thing alone: to buy their brethren’s freedom from the evil, sadistic grip of poultry farmers everywhere.

A disarming dark figure of a girl once asked me to tell her something interesting, and that is what I came up with. Some would say that it is not at all interesting, just stupid, and they are probably right. Others would point out how lame my statement was and call me a dork. They would be correct too. It is all irrelevant to the fact that from an early age I knew I was a storyteller. I have an active imagination and somewhere in the crevices of my mind, I knew that it had to serve some purpose, even if it was to conjure up somewhat pathetic ideas to be mocked and ridiculed. Hey, at least these idiotic notions get some attention, right? Well, it works for me!

So, here I am, a twenty-something virgin with nothing really behind me and nowhere to go. What do I do now? I guess I will jot things down in a notebook and pass them on to publishers, you know, see if anything happens.

MARCH 2006 BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIOS

KAYE BELCHER’S BRIEF BIO:

Growing up in a small Ohio town was not easy. To live in a town where history books believed the earth was flat and slavery was a great job opportunity required more than a little patience and sanity control. But, with the right mixture of tenacity, imagination and Valium, I graduated high school and escaped to work in the “real world.” After 5 years, I realized this “real world” was, in fact, not the one portrayed on MTV. I was not spending my nights squeezed into a hot tub with six other naked twenty-something’s and my days sleeping in silk sheets purchased by a studio executive; I had been mislead.

So, my options were soon glaringly obvious: join the circus, become a stripper or go to college. After many sleepless nights, I finally made my choice … I would join the circus. Sadly, my stay at the Ringling Brothers’ boot camp lasted a very short three days. How was I to know that my body would swell twice its size at the mere mention of lion’s fur? And, I don’t think my trainer was very pleased when I ran screaming in the other direction each time I saw a clown. Again, I was forced to go in a different direction and this time I chose college.

I majored in Theater my first quarter only to realize that this, too, was not going to work because I lacked one tiny requirement …I couldn’t act. I immediately set out to find a new major. After much research, meditating, soul-searching and one phone call to my mother that ended in her sage comment, “Um, I don’t know … be a writer, I guess,” I soon switched my major to English-Creative Writing.

Excited and exhilarated beyond description, I felt like my life could finally begin; I had found my calling. Imagine my surprise when my first day in this new major was an ordinary day much like any other day; the earth shook, the heavens opened, the angels sang and I began writing.

DAVID R. CAUDELL’S BIO:

I’m a typical twenty-four year old guy from a small southern Indiana town called Scottsburg, which is about thirty miles north of Louisville, Kentucky.

One of my passions is writing kid’s stories/poems. I’ve been writing them for about a year now. I guess this hobby emerged due to my job. I’m a teacher’s assistant at a small middle school, where I help teach special education. I love my job. There, I get a chance to be a child everyday. Just seeing those kids smile, learn, and love brings so much joy to my life.

Humor also plays a big part in my life. It’s not uncommon to see my friends and co-workers make a choir into play. Just like my life, you will find tons of childlike and pre-teen humor in my writing.

LES COMBS’ BRIEF BIO:

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-06-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-11-story2.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-01-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-08-story3.shtml

SUZANNE COSQUER’S BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIO:

British born Suzanne Cosquer taught English in six European countries before moving to Canada and writing her first novel, Reaching Mazury, an East West, post Communist love story and winner of the February 2005 Donard Publishing novel writing competition.

Whilst bringing up her three young children, she has begun writing short stories

and is already working (at night) on her second novel.

RYAN CRAWFORD’S BRIEF BIO:

Ryan Crawford was born deep in the swamps of South Carolina. From an early age, he was interested in the dragonfly as a symbol of illusion and dissected several specimens with hopes of finding the secret of dreams. Finding only rusty smells and wet fingers, he switched from science to art and continued his search.

After graduating from Clemson University, he began painting and sold several works in a small coffee shop, establishing a small reputation with the two members of the local intelligentsia as a talented artist, and a large reputation with the remaining population as a lazy, good-for-nothing. He also began writing a small column for the local newspaper about the emerging art scene in small town South Carolina.

LORAINE R. DEGRAFF’S BRIEF BIO:

What is bizarre and what is funny? Life is bizarre, and sometimes funny. I’ve really come full circle now to where I had begun. I started out with writing, so many years ago. But, there were so many other things to examine and to know. Art soon joined with writing. It developed very well. Would I be the next da Vinci? Who knows? Who could tell? Music was also much enjoyed. Second chair flute on city band was an honor. Photography edged its way in.--Another skill to begin. College. Marriage. Children. How does it all tie in? The baby now is four (The oldest is sixteen). The urgency to write is great. Which way should I lean? I’ve really come full circle now to where I’d first begun. I am pursuing this writing dream. But, I’ve only just begun? … What have I been doing all these years? J

--L. Degraff

DURIIEL’S BRIEF BIO:

Duriiel was born deep in a briar patch on a crisp autumn day. His greatest fear is wasting time, his favorite drink is rootbeer, and his hobbies include swords, digital art, Goosebumps books, classic video games, subverting the Harry Potter empire, and making schedules to do it all efficiently. He also designs websites when needed, and is still trying to find a way out of the briar patch.

His personal website, Duriiel.com, houses any achievements worth housing.

A. NAN EMYSS’ BRIEF BIO:

A. Nan Emyss has been previously published in Humdinger (December 2005). She is currently playing with different types of form poetry and likes reading brief pieces of information about their histories and has found sites with a lot of ancient forms that she has never heard of and looks forward to playing with these (she has been exposed to many through high school teachers, college professors, and books). She feels exploring various fields of creativity and different forms within each field to be a means of increasing one’s ability to create.

She has finally figured out how to put up a very simple website which is not yet ready display. She will work on that over the next month or two when she can scan and upload pictures created using nonelectric equipment such as pencils, paint, or construction paper (any in the nearer future will be only come from Microsoft Paint which most professionals do not take seriously). She will be taking some classes in a strange array of subjects (also good for creativity).

CHRIS GOEBEL’S BRIEF BIO:

When Grandma’s talking and she forgets what she’s saying, she’s having a Senior Moment. In that case, I’ve been a senior since I was a toddler! I also have EDITOR’S MOMENTS. What’s an editor’s moment? An Editor’s Moment occurs because an editor has a deadline; they cause severe trauma to the duodouble portion of your brain thingy. While suffering from an Editor’s Moment, I have put my keys away and considered accusing other people of snatching them, forgotten what day of the week it is, forgotten what I was going to say several times today (including now), um … , played my music CD twice and just now determined that my speakers were turned off (no joke!), sat for minutes wondering what I’m supposed to be doing (which I’m still doing), and accused several people of being damn good writers (I don’t think editors are supposed to do that). I forgot how to spell several words and doubted whether I could remember once I’d gotten confused because the confusion would cause a concussion to my brain thingy. If allowed to continue, Editor’s Moments progress into Editor’s FartBlossoms.

I must have a cold and my nose has been running continuously (I can’t believe you thought about asking me where it ran!) and I’m going to ask my doctor to remove my nose glands. If I don’t have nose glands, then I want my doctor to sew up my nostrils. This will save paper and tree’s lives. Then the skin under my nose won’t resemble double pencil tracks like I was trying to pull a Belushi Animal House tactic but failed and got eraser burn. Ooh, double burn on me!

If you want to learn more about my amateur voyeuristic mental retardation in regression, you can read my Eclectic Ediot’s Blog (just click on the blue thing to go wherever it was I was going to send you). Was that just an Ediot’s Moment? Just leave the coffee alone and no one gets edited…

M.W. HAMEL’S BRIEF BIO:

M.W. Hamel is a young writer of poetry and prose. He has been published in numerous print and online magazines, as well as several fantasies before sleep. He currently resides somewhere near the Rocky Mountains and takes pride in laughing at the ridiculous state of the world.

DENNIS T. KOTCH’S BRIEF BIO:

Dennis was born at an early age. In spite of that handicap, he went on to a successful career as a high school dropout. A long series of meaningless jobs leading to nowhere proved the validity of not finishing HS. Overcoming adversity is Dennis’s thing, and he now holds three college degrees. He is patiently waiting for their rightful owner to come by and pick them up.

When properly supplied with the right colored crayons, he writes about medical problems—but only in a humorous vein, historical fiction, organized crime, and any other subject that he has absolutely no knowledge of. He has developed a talent for writing carwash flyers, bad checks, and ransom notes.

Dennis has fun writing, and looks forward to the constant stream of rejection letters that his mailman brings to him.

BILL PERRYMAN’S BRIEF BIO:

I dedicate my prose offerings of this month that are coming into the light of being published, to my one and only first reader, Debbie. Then, now and always.

I have been also humbly honored to previously be included in Humdinger, back in December 2005.

As for the rest of my works, they vibrantly lay ghost penned in presently invisible ink, awaiting to appear.

EDUARDO PLASENCIA’S BRIEF BIO:

Eduardo Plasencia was born in East L.A, lived in Boyle Heights until the age of 13 when he moved to the city of Paramount. This Mexican-decent poet has a raw, street grown, sick humor style.

You can see more of Eduardo’s work at:

http://www.playground213.com

DAN I. RADAKOVICH’S BRIEF BIO:

Daniel [Dan] I. Radakovich has the usual varied
background of most writers, from being an ExecVP of an
import-export company to a swimming pool supplies
warehouse manager to a temporary worker assisting most
of the firms in Cleveland to major political party
work to a SEVP & CRO in a film production company.
His writing background includes over 30 articles in
various genre magazines (chiefly non-fiction wargaming
and historical) and over 60 book reviews (almost
exclusively military history—he is regarded as an
authority on the Napoleonic Wars’ period), several
poems (one on Flight 93 that has been rather popular),
one on a man slain on 9/11(FDNY Angel Juarbe, NYPost
9/29/01 In Memoriam section), one a SF Haiku, and
numerous Ed-kus and Spam-kus on John Cho's sites on
the web among them, a Christmas carol and an Easter
song (to traditional folk tunes), plus some F/SF filk
efforts, though he cannot carry a recognizable tune.
He also ran for US Senate in the Ohio Democratic
primary in 2000 (69,640 votes for him) and often helps
with the Alpha Young Writers Annual Workshop, the WorD
writing crit group and several conventions, especially
in Pennsylvania. Oh, and he acts too ... usually when
bearded.

MICHAEL REITEMA’S BRIEF BIO:

I am 27 and dead broke. I'm not feeling very funny right now. Could be all the scads of Internet research and contest entry things. Makes the brain fuzzy. Like a mitten. That fuzzy. I think I'm trying too hard.

Have you ever heard of a rabbitbird? Looks just like a bunny with four wings, so it flies in a spiral motion. They travel in flocks, and can strip the flesh from a cow within seconds. It is for that reason that Webster's Dictionary refers to rabbitbirds as "sweet bastards," and "the piranha of the east. Oh, and of the sky." That's why my pappy always carried a shotgun around in the fall. Damned things. Damned, sweet bastards.

TONY ROBLES’ BRIEF BIO:

Born in San Francisco, California. Became a poet when i ate pizza and found out the world really is flat and that toilet paper is the cosmic convergence of ribbon and road.

Author of 2 children's books, "Lakas and the Manilatown Fish"
http://www.childrensbookpress.org/ob/lakas.html

and Lakas and the Makibaka Hotel
http://www.pgw.com/catalog/catalog.asp?DBKey=222&CatalogKey=347121&Action=View&Index=Page&Book=355532&Order=28

Involved in tenant struggles in and around San Francisco.

A.SAILBOAT’S BRIEF BIO:

A. Sailboat. I have been land sailing the country in the Jolly Green Van for 5 months. I eat madness and poop smiles. I am what flowers are for oxygen. I'm probably 100 feet tall with small toes. Inside minds are infinite places. What!? OK, I have to go...

www.UnsungAmerica.blogspot.com

THOMAS SAUNDERS’ BRIEF BIO:

(Editor's Note: This appears to be a picture of Thomas building a car.)

Thomas Saunders is in the middle of putting things together. He was born, raised, and educated in the middle west. He is the middle child of a family of nine. There are a few things he is not in the middle of.

He is currently busy in the middle of Seoul, South Korea attempting to reconcile his dreams of “becoming a writer” (whatever that means) with his more pragmatic needs of acquiring food, shelter, etc. for himself. In the English classes he teaches there, Thomas shudders at the students' constant butchering of the language he loves so dearly. He is not the best teacher.

Last week, in a vain attempt at editing his identity, Thomas bought a pair of fake eyeglasses. He has been wearing them and telling students and co-workers that he usually wears contacts. He is doing this despite his poor skill at lying, and when the time comes that someone finds out he is wearing eyeglasses just for the fashion of it, Thomas will write a story about it.

BRYAN SCHINGLE’S BRIEF BIO:

Bryan Schingle is a full-time college student living in Thornton, Colorado. He serves in the U.S. Army Reserves and uses his morning coffee buzz to get some writing done.

Bryan has been published previously in “Detective Mystery Stories”, “Hardboiled”, and is currently a monthly contributor of fiction and non-fiction to the Acid Logic webzine (www.acidlogic.com). His non-fiction has appeared on the Thrilling Detective webzine as well (www.thrillingdetective.com).

When he’s not studying, soldiering or writing, Bryan spends his free time watching cult films and Doctor Who.

JORGE SOLIS’ BRIEF BIO:

My name is Jorge Solis and my career as a writer started at the College of Mount Saint Vincent. I am the writer, editor, and director of four feature-length student films and a short (but I wouldn’t count the short). My works, which I hope will be read by millions, range from horror to comedy to noir. I plan to take over the world with my writing.

CHRISSIE SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

This is how I see myself everyday—dangling off some cliff side trying to learn how to accept myself when others have a hard time with it.

GiggleWorks is an entertainment company owned and operated by her husband Scott (also in this month’s Humdinger!) and Chrissie. Under GiggleWorks, they perform magic shows, balloon animals, face painting, comedy, tarot readings, palm readings and more. The web address is www.giggleworks.net

SCOTT SPARLING’S BRIEF BIO:

ANA TRASK’S BRIEF BIO:

Ana Trask was born in Romania, has lived in England, and now resides in Toronto, Canada. Although many have described her as crazy, Ana prides herself on being “cute” crazy and not “psycho” crazy. Among her many far-flung dreams is her ambition to be abducted by aliens, which has proved fruitless so far. Until little green men whisk her away on galactic voyages, Ana enjoys talking to the voices inside her head that keep telling her to pursue her dream of being a writer.

SOPHYA VIDAL’S BRIEF BIO:

FEBRUARY EDITION OF HUMDINGER LITERARY E-ZINE, 2006

BRIEF AND BIZARRE BIOS

EXPECT NOTHING AND YOU WILL FIND NOTHING. EXPECT SOMETHING AND YOU WILL FIND NOTHING. FIND A PENNY, PICK IT UP.
KALAE S. ANTHONY’S BRIEF BIO:

Kalae S. Anthony is a 31 year old Hawaii ex-patriate now residing in the bowels of the Confederate American South. His past vocations have included Bon Vivant, Resident Genius, Absintheur, Minister of Propaganda for the Derriere Garde and the Founder of the Church of Paris Hilton at www.churchofparishilton.com and www.myspace.com/churchofparis . He doesn't have Microsoft Word and begs the editor's mercy for his shameless attempt at slipping an unattached entry into this contest.

Mr. Anthony has dropped out of innumerable California Colleges and into innumerable taverns, bars, cocktail lounges and other dens of iniquity that define misspent youth. His eyes sparkle when he thinks of the woman he loves and of whom he writes in the entry submitted...and when he watches dreams take shape in flutes of Veuve Clicquot.

His other writings can be found at www.storyhouse.org/ksanthonylist.html

JON BERAHYA’S BRIEF BIO:

Jon Berahya is a comedian/writer/artist living in Lexington, Kentucky, with bipolar disorder and his parents, who feed him well. He would like to thank Dr. Shelton for all the medication samples and to the 2003 British Airways flight crews for providing him with safe passage to foreign lands and drinks that he is no longer allowed to partake of.

Note: Jon Berahya’s poem “Venezia” was recently selected to represent Humdinger Literary E-zine at http://www.litmocracy.com

SHAWN MARIE CHRISTENSON’S BRIEF BIO:

Shawn Marie Christenson spends her days chained to a desk singing, “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” and her evenings are spent attempting to bypass the same emotional and intellectual level as her daughter, Grace. Fourth grade math is hard! Nine-year-old mood swings are harder!

Shawn and Gracie live in downtown Minneapolis—home of the skyways and natives who somehow manage to enjoy lutefisk. Winters are long, so when she’s not busy adding to her toothpick collection, Shawn has been known to rub her hands together and release an evil cackle (followed by a “mwahahaha”, of course) before creating yet another article, poem, screenplay or Do Not Remove warning for pillow tags.

Several local and national newspaper and magazine editors have been known to receive music CD’s from Ms. Christenson which secretly contain the subliminal message “PUBLISH SHAWN’S WORK” and many have subconsciously slipped her into their publications. Oddly, they have somehow bypassed sending the $100,000 checks.

Nations of zombie-like readers, all ruled by Shawn, are soon to emerge, however, as she continues her subliminal stunts by conveying the message “Follow the Twinkie!” into her biographies. Enter her words at your own risk, dear reader. Oh wait! It’s too late.

OSCAR CINTRONMARINA’S BIO:

I was born in a cave and from it I crawled with a blind eye. I crawled for what seemed like eons. One momentous day out of sheer boredom when life seemed to have left me, I picked up a book and a ray of light penetrated the darkness in my clouded mind.

The words rushed in and out like torrents of floodwaters and I felt alive as if life had suddenly entered my body and innumerable words flowed from my pencil and pen without the slightest effort.

Creations of thought proved too much to contain. They had to be told, annotated, or related. And so I write when I am assailed by the writer's touch, when I feel that my thoughts must be given more time on paper so that they may mature, before they wisp away on the speeding highway in my mind.

On a bean bag my hungry mind began to rage; only sixteen, I had to learn to control my newfound power which cried out for unfettered release for what had lain dormant for so long.

That's how it happened in a "hidden in the words" sort of way. From childhood, monsters, the spooky, the macabre, the horror, and the strange have drawn me into their convoluted world like a magnetic web—infected by the unnatural virus.

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously.

LES COMBS’S BIO:

Les is a retiree living in Arkansas. After years of unrequited labor upon golf courses and their adjacent woods, fields and creeks in three states, he turned in his putter for the pen. Writing offers him similar frustrations as golf without having to pick weed seeds and burrs from his clothing after each session. A sampling of his short fiction is available at the following addresses:

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-06-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2003-texts/2003-11-story2.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-01-story1.shtml

http://thewritersezine.com/t-zero/archives/2004-texts/2004-08-story3.shtml

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously.

HEATHER COOK-LINDSAY’S BRIEF BIO:

Heather Cook-Lindsay lived in an oxygen tent until she was twelve years old. And yes, she has seen the movie The Boy in the Bubble, and no, she was never John Travolta's girlfriend. (She used to get those questions a lot as a younger person.) Even though she was eventually released into larger society, she still maintains a loyalty to being alone and breathing clean air. Funny that. She also still indulges in her favorite tent activities—reading, writing odd stories, and diagramming the longest sentences she can find. And, yes, she has attempted Faulkner. She loves gummy bears, but only the German kind, met her husband online four years ago, and has two marmalade kitty cats, Mikey Likes Everything and Wee-Wee (aptly named).

SUZANNE COSQUER’S BRIEF BIO:

British born Suzanne Cosquer taught English in six European countries before moving to Canada and writing her first novel, Reaching Mazury, an East/West post-Communist love story and winner of the Feb 2005 Donard Publishing novel writing competition.

Whilst bringing up her three young children, she has begun writing short stories and is already working (at night) on her second novel.

CELESTE CURCIO’S BRIEF BIO:

The week before schools tared, I suddently decided to get that tattoo I wanted. It’s on my back and it really hurt, but I love it now. I’m 53 years old and I live with a man 7 years younger than myself. We’re not married. My students call me a good weird, whatever that means. I guess if I told you I love teaching 10^th graders to write, etc., you might think I was a little nutty too. I kind of act like them. I think it rubbed off. Oh, I’m Italian and I seriously talk with my hands . . .

Note: Has previously published with Humdinger.

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF CHRIS GOEBEL’S LATEST BRIEF BIO:

A recent reader noted that in an advertisement for Humdinger’s Writing Contests, I wrote the following (or something similar):

Please do not place two periods at the end of sentences as they taught us to do in typing class.

Which typing class was that? What the ad should have read was not to skip two spaces after periods. Now, remember I’m an editor. That kind of mistake is like a hairstylist cutting your hair crooked. What I find more amusing is that I haven’t corrected the error yet. I attend to ads and promotional efforts after each month’s ‘zine is produced. I’m far from nonchalant about writing errors though, friends. For example, it bothers me very much when writers and poets repeat the words “seemed too” or “going too,” as they taught guys to do in auto shop.

If you read my blog, then you’ll know I first dreamed of being a cockroach, not considering their looks. Since I was in a superhero phase, I wanted walking on walls and upside down ability. I was a SpiderMan fan (but hated spiders more than roaches). Of course, I was a Star Wars fan and found Yoda cool, but I never wanted to be a . . . what the heck kind of species is Yoda?

CINDY HAYNES’ BRIEF BIO:

I did not do school well and often write stories that remind me of how bizarre school is for so many children. Now that I am an adult child, I love life and get to write away to my heart’s content. I gave my two children the choice of staying home from school some days to catch their breathe or getting on the bus and joining the fray. Both are young adults now and seem to have survived school and parenting with minimal damage.

REBECCA HIRSCH'S BRIEF BIO:

Rebecca is going through a midlife crisis which is funny since she is neither in midlife nor is she a midwife. Rebecca is writing her updated bio in the financial district which is the dumbest place to write an updated bio, or anything. She has the intention to run. She has the intention to read. She has the intention to SPEED towards LIFE at the speed of something fast. New York is a funny, funny place for funny people. Funny and sad. Let's all be glad. (exeunt)

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously and is honored on our Women of Wit page.

THOMAS E. JORDON’S BRIEF BIO:

I am a 45-year old freelance writer based in Northwest Arkansas. I have been through the Creative Writing Program at the University of Arkansas (where my BA in History is from) at the undergraduate level. Often William Harrison (the original Rollerball, Mountains on the Moon) would use my writing as that week’s example of what could be made just a little better with a little push over the top. I like to think I’m finally the writer he hoped I’d turn out to be by now.

I have written eight full-length screenplays and as many more short screenplays. One of my short screenplays, Loose End, is being included in the upcoming feature What is Love (http://love.mullrahe.com/) by MullRahe Productions (http://www.mullrahe.com/). Some of my recent work-for-hire assignments include creating a short video aimed at Management professionals at all levels and a spec script for a documentary on the history of the cross. I have also worked with a team of writers on a project to create a spec television series pilot, which went nowhere. I have won awards for both my short fiction and non-fiction. Most recently, my short story Last Words was published by the e.magazine Thirst for Fire (http://www.thirstforfire.com). My non-fiction has been seen in national publications. I am a contributor to Carol Duboc’s new WineandMusic.com project (http://wineandmusic.com/), an e.magazine on wine and music around the world. And finally, I work as an internet researcher for Hamilton’s Hollywood Top 30 (http://www.radioexpress.com/public/weekly_top30.html), a nationally syndicated radio program.

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously.

ANGEL LOGAN’S BIO #2:

Regardless of her journey or what she writes, Angel wants to give her readers a vision into the window of life, to help them find their wings to fly!

Read selections of Angel’s book at:

Angel Logan | The Official Web Site: www.wingsofanangel.us

Note: Winner of Humdinger Literary E-zine’s Garden Poetry Contest.

NICHOLAS MIRICK’S BRIEF BIO:

A born and bred Massachusetts Yankee, Nicholas has found himself steadily moving southward over the past decade. In his mid-twenties, he currently shudders to discover that he's living in Florida. Unable to venture into the blistering sun due to his pasty New England skin, he has been forced to spend time actually putting fingers to keys, instead of just writing in his mind. The results have allowed others to actually figure out what he's doing while staring out windows or at blank walls.

Having previously published numerous stories and a few poems, he has taken down the Closed for the Season sign on the writing portion of his brain and Nicholas is currently working on completing a storied novel and polishing some of the poems he's found floating around the Ether over the past few years. Who says liberal arts educations aren't good for anything?

RALPH NIEVES-BRYANT’S BRIEF BIO:

Ralph Nieves-Bryant has been an actor, stand-up comic, talk show host and all-around ghetto raconteur. He has recently returned to his first love, the written word.

Ralph wrote his first play when he was 11 years old, which was written completely in the bathroom. The bathroom was his hiding place from the couch/bed he shared with his younger brother, Tony, a batch of bed bugs, a non-pet rat, and 16 roaches, all of which were uninvited guests. (He still does his best writing longhand on the toilet in an almost palatial Harlem apartment.)

That play, inspired by Ralph’s love of ABC daytime soap operas, was performed at his junior high school assembly, although Principal Green was shocked about the rewrite that added the words “You stupid bitch” into the script.

You can check out some of his other ramblings in the online magazines BlackMedina, TruthTellingForum and Identity Theory. He lives in Harlem, USA with his wife/head cheerleader, Anna, and his harshest critic, Samantha, the Cat.

If you’ve been amazed by his use of split infinitives and dangling participles, holla back at your boy at eskimo515@hotmail.com. However, I hope you have more important things to do, like re-arranging the ding berries from your favorite caftan.

BETTE O’CALLAGHAN’S BRIEF BIO:

Bette O'Callaghan is the anti-Valentine. To sum up her take on love one need only quote the entirety of her poem, I'LL PASS - I tried love, and, love tried me, we didn't get on. Her only regret is the years she wasted, lookin' for love, when she could have been ruling the world.

Baden Prince, host of Speakeasy in London, England knows Bette well and described her thusly.

Bette O'Callaghan comes over as a superannuated rock chick, well past her sell by date but still showing glimpses of her former glamour and glory. Been there, done that, snorted it, jacked it up, sucked it off, fucked it up and still here to tell the tale. And what tales! A true grande dame in the Bette Davis mould. She writes and performs with great panache.

Intrigued? Disgusted? Just downright can't believe this? Want to know more? Go to Bette's Blog, Bette O's Dead Woman Walking at http://betteoddw.blogspot.com/ and don't forget to also click on the Poetry and Gigs links.

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously and is honored on our Women of Wit page.

R S PRASANNA'S BRIEF BIO:

Born thinking I was the only one with something behind my eyes.

I saw, I heard... but I also saw and heard the "I" at a real early age. Even when I was little more than a foot-and-half long, I used to think I am the "Gifted One"... the One who could stand away from life, observe it, contemplate it ... and be amused by the millions and millions of automated humans going through the motions of life. Of course I did not know then that every Tom, Dick and Harry thought so too.

And that was good. Never liked being bunched with them .

Anyway, this gave me a whole new world view, which I explored in front of the mirror, behind homemade grease paint. Entertained guests with my own vaudeville acts. This was at age Nine.

Moved on to putting up skits while in Middle school. Also started writing the smallest of small stories.

I remember reading R K Narayan's "Swami and friends" and thinking ... "Hey, I should do that! The words are there, and there's the pen and paper—I just get one on the other—and tha's it!"

Thus started my writing journey at age Thirteen. Wrote an epic 200-word masterpiece.

My saving grace: I promptly sent it to the bin.

"This is no R K Narayan, dammit! I wonder why."

To this day, I wonder.

And that, in all honesty, is my only weapon: my wonder.

My acting improved, so did my realisation that acting was "not all." So I attempted direction. And screenwriting.

My bin kept getting fuller by the day.

Well, in a few months from now, I should be taking up an unofficial open invitation to one of the most reputed Film Schools in India. They saw my award winning Short Film.

So, at age 22, what am I?

Like one of my characters in one of my million "unwritten" screenplay says to his lady, "I am a promise!"

At age 30, I shall know if I have kept it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I am a part of the professional Theatre circuit here in my city, Chennai, India and will be making my directorial debut on stage, mid 2006. My favorite authors are Jeffrey Archer and R K Narayan. My God in songwriting is Tim Rice. I am currently trying to learn from Arthur Miller a tiny bit, at least how in the world he writes those plays of his! I am a drooling "groupie" of Broadway, even though I have just heard of it—it is for me, sitting miles away, a legend, a distant Fairyland! I am a great admirer of Ayn Rand.

Note: Has published with Humdinger Literary E-zine previously.

TONY ROBLES’ BRIEF BIO:

I am from San Francisco and the author of 2 children's books: Lakas and the Manilatown Fish and Lakas and the Makibaka Hotel (to be released in April 2006). Both books are published by Children's book press.
http://www.shop4author.com/Anthony%20D.%20Robles.

I spend most of my time writing poems on napkins at Chinese restaurants. Been doing this for close to 20 years now.

CAROL RUDY’S BRIEF BIO:

I am a broad based poet and writer. I was born and raised in Chicago, except during WW2. Our family lived in Washington DC. After the war, we moved back to Chicago. Being half German and Scottish, I go to all the games. They have the Highland Games every June on a Saturday in Oakbrook at the polo fields.

EDWARD SHAW’S BRIEF BIO:

From 1967-69, Shaw served as Managing Editor of STAGE Magazine, the Program for the Fisher Theatre in Detroit, Michigan (his home town); and then, late in 1969, he migrated to San Francisco. There, with the support of a most generous wife and helpmate, he was able to devote the next two and a half years exclusively to his writing.

BH SHEPHERD’S BRIEF BIO:

BH Shepherd was born into the oldest military dynasty in Texas, but with none of the coordination or patriotism. Raised in the South and schooled in New York, he has long been credited with a true gift for foolishness, a divine knack for troublemaking, and the occasional tendency toward prophecy. He left New York for reasons unsaid but fairly well-known to the locals, and returned to the South in hopes of finding a bride or a worthy adversary, whichever comes first. Currently, he resides in Austin as an out of work DJ and professional starving artist. Shepherd has previously been published at www.thuglit.com and maintains a number of blogs, available to qualified candidates who send in a photo and no more than five words about themselves with their request.

LUKAS SHERMAN’S BRIEF BIO:

lukas sherman has a b.a. in english from wheaton college, where he wasn't allowed to drink, smoke, or dance. he also has a heart murmur and a small ant problem in his kitchen. since college, lukas has worked as a christian book store clerk, an apprentice roofer, an aide at an elementary school, a special education teacher, a golf club grounds keeper, a crossing guard, and a zoo camp counselor. he enjoys foreign films, swearing, and hot dogs. he lives in s.e. portland with his books and records.

SARAH TOLER’S BRIEF BIO:

Sarah Toler lives to write and writes to live in Dallas, Texas. She
mostly has her parents to thank for her writing style - as a child, they
would peruse through her journals, making it necessary for her every
word to be encrypted.

Surprisingly enough, she has turned out rather well-adjusted and
actually makes a living as a writer. If you are interested in seeing
more of her work, please email her at sarahannet@comcast.net.

If you think her writing sucks, please feel free to write her about
that, too. There's nothing she enjoys more than a good email banter and
the opportunity to prove that you're an idiot.

NATHAN WADE’S BRIEF BIO:

Nathan Wade currently resides in Lost Angeles, California.

http://www.myspace.com/instigatingone

BILL WHITE’S BRIEF BIO:

Bill White wrote this poem in a number of jazz clubs while covering the Earshot Jazz Festival for the Seattle-Post Intelligencer. He wrote it for his girlfriend, Diana, who couldn’t be at the shows with him because she was waitressing in a fish house. Bill is working on a novel, set in 1978, about a punk rock singer who goes to Los Angeles to get a record deal and winds up a part time movie star. It has about as much chance of getting published as his first novel, Blinkers, in which Seattle is beset by demons who are making amnesiacs out of the mentally ill street people. He is also in a couple of bands, and his music can be heard here:

http://www.myspace.com/billwhitemusic

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