ECLECTIC EDITOR’S BLOG DECEMBER 3, 2005 TO JANUARY 22, 2006 1-22-06 PLAYING CATCH-UP CREATIVITY PLUS: HOW STAR TREK CAN HELP YOU I’ve been downing vitamins twice a day, drinking orange juice, plenty of water and more, but I’m fighting off the same virus that got me earlier this month. It’s been going around like some kind of plague, in circles, hitting people twice (I hope not more!). I haven’t been hit hard by it this time, but I’ve spent most of this weekend resting and little else. Today, I stayed in bed until around 4 PM and managed enough energy to take our German Shepherd (enchantingly and originally named Rex) for a walk. At least the weather felt wonderful, a bracing 47 with a wind chill perhaps ten degrees cooler. CREATIVITY PLUS: HOW STAR TREK CAN HELP YOU During my down time, I read Nicholas Spark’s The Guardian, part of Chuck Swindoll’s Character Counts (character development), and The Making of Star Trek. Okay, I guess I should let you know how the first two were . . . The Guardian is the type of feel good book to read when you want to feel good, but aren’t in a rush. The ending, which comes gradually, develops suspense well and for dog lovers, hits about like Where the Red Fern Grows (the only book that ever made me angry at a teacher). Character Counts is spectacular, setting strong examples for character development. The Making of Star Trek, though, is unpredictable and a fertile garden for your mind’s dreamscape. First of all, it will make you realize early on that Gene Roddenberry was either modestly brilliant or an idiot savant. Yes, some accidental discoveries and filming limitations led to things like beaming up, but good grief, the level of planning and predicting these guys went through! A sick bay that could monitor patients without touching them, non-invasive surgery, a ship with gravity, computerized chefs, and more. After reading the book, every episode becomes a new discovery. Now, I see Spock’s almost dangerous fascination with aliens, Kirk’s empathy toward them. Why read this book? Because after reading it (if you can find it!), you’ll have great ideas for Marketing Your Book, Developing Characters, Creating New Worlds and much more. 1-17-06 BUSINESS: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RESPOND? MY BIRTHDAY: HOW IT WENT (NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE) BUSINESS: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RESPOND? I’m loaded with e-mail subs, working with writers and a new editor, who will be announced soon, Dear Reader. A good question would be, how long does it take me to get to submissions now? Ah, I remember when it took, at most, a day. Then, a week. Now, sometimes, a month. To be fair, I try to respond to some of the oldest and some of the newest e-mails daily. But, then there are those in the middle . . . Tomorrow, I know where I’ll be reading. MY BIRTHDAY: HOW IT WENT I almost got run over on my birthday! How close? A few inches. Lucky for me that I used to wait on tables (gosh, that was a past life, though). As I walked through a dark parking lot on the way back to my car, I can only guess that a woman behind the wheel decided at that moment that she was either 1) terribly pissed off at a boyfriend or 2) in a great hurry. Either way, she gunned the car as I passed and leaped out of the way. My words? “I’ll bet you’re glad you’re lucky.” I hope she understood. Other than that, lunch with a friend, time in my garden, dinner was great at the Cuban place, then STAR TREK at my best friend’s with family. What will I do when I run out of the series? Well, I have two more seasons to watch yet! What a Christmas present. . . . 1-13-06 FRIDAY THE 13th, ALMOST A FULL MOON, AND MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW’S THE LAST DAY TO VOTE FRIDAY THE 13th, ALMOST A FULL MOON, AND MY BIRTHDAY I’ve always like the number 13, probably because it’s the date of my birthday. However, the number’s caused problems for me. My father wouldn’t drive me somewhere for one of my birthdays, saying he was afraid he’d have an accident, as the date had brought him bad luck. When I was teen, I’m sure it brought him misfortune ;-) Now, though, it’s just a birthday, something simple for me. I have a long weekend ahead of me, MLK day off from work. And I have no idea what to do! Strange facts about my birthday: 1. January 13th is typically the coldest day of the year. I love cold weather, though I’ve never been snowed in. Here, today’s high will be in the lower 60’s. This is my only regret this year. 2. My numerical age has almost always held little significance for me: I’m now 37. A good age, you might think, for an editor, who had better not be fresh out of college and lack experience. Most of the time, I forget how old I am. Doctors and other officials requesting my age find this strange. I also forget the ages of friends and acquaintances, largely remembering them as the age I Want to remember them by! I do, however, remember most birthdays. 3. As you can expect, I don’t have an appreciation for Friday the 13th movies. . . . What will I do today? Of course, read a few great stories and poems, submissions awaiting my perusal. There’s one I Saved to read on my birthday and that writer knows I will treasure the reading. Friends and family have sent presents already. Being an introvert of sorts, I have dinner with my best friend and her husband, making four with my husband, Gerald. Tonight, we will dine Cuban. Today, I’d like to go to La Madeleine (French bistro) for lunch. If the cuisine’s from another country, I want to try it. As Spock told Dr. McCoy one time on STAR TREK, “You’re a sensualist.” Yes, I’m a sensualist, but not a hedonist. My evening will be peaceful, odd, memorable. For the rest of the day, little more than quiet conversation, reading and saving my garden from the unusual winter drought we’re having today in Austin. Where do I get my writing experiences from? Oh, I used to be a hedonist J 01-11-06 MY PERSONALITY TYPE AND HOW TO FIND YOURS!If you receive my newsletter for writers, Jack of Genre, then you received this link about a FREE personality test. Use it. Other websites Charge for this Myer-Briggs type test. I did mine first out of a book (a Lot of paperwork) and then at the website and the results are conclusive. I'm an INFJ: the world's rarest personality type, adding up to little over 2% of the world population (some statistics place it at 1.8%). Guess what my ideal jobs are? This information is according to websites and books . . . Writer, Editor, substance abuse counselor . . . hmm. Famous INFJ's are Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jimmy Carter. Given my personality, it's no surprise that I started an electronic magazine with the intention of inspiring others to write and get published. INFJ's are one of the few types who actually do something "for nothing," in reality, for the good of others. So, if you've wondered . . . I'm for real. There has to be a downside . . . of course! I'm strongly intuitive, meaning I feel empathy for just about anyone. I get hurt easily, though not because someone rejects my ideas. One downside is that I have few close friends, because I can "feel their pain." Another downside is that I often predict what someone will say to me after the first few words they say! As an editor, however, I always wondered why I have few problems at all with writers. Now I know. I'm a natural diplomat (the kind who makes peace, not a politician!). I take precise care in not offending others. Here's a great link to learn about your personality type, gratis. It's a 70 question test that will tell you your personality type. If you click on the link to learn more about your personality, the website links directly to information specifc to your personality type. This will help you select a career, deal better with others, design a writing approach and much more. As my personality type, INFJ, would say, "To thine own self be true!" Later, you can e-mail me and tell me about your personality type and all its wonderful strengths. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp I can be e-mailed at: 1-08-05 (the wee hours) WHILE YOU SLEPT . . . JANUARY EDITION OF HUMDINGER: How long did Turkish coffee, Cuban espresso, and American coffee make Chris last? Good evening, morning. I’m not sure what to call it. The January edition of Humdinger Literary E-zine took most of last night and tonight to complete (not counting hours of pre-prep). If you’ve been reading, you know I prepared for Friday night with Turkish coffee (this coffee type’s so thick that you can’t drink the sludge at the bottom), Cuban coffee (with a near lethal dose of sugar) and American coffee (which I drink, surprisingly, with a modest amount of . . . honey). I don’t normally drink coffee overloads, but I felt tired early in the day and knew I didn’t have time to sleep or even nap. How long did the coffee work? Keeping in mind that I woke up at around 7 AM Friday morning, I worked on Humdinger until around 6 AM. Then, I napped and woke up at 10 AM with a strong burst of energy (coffee leftovers?) and worked until 4 AM, napped to 8 PM, ate dinner, watched an old STAR TREK episode (with the Romulans, great one), and returned to work here from 10 PM to now, Midnight, Saturday evening. Of course I’m going to have to get more staff, but I’m looking for staff who can do what I do and that’s rare. They would have to be willing to work for free (See? I said it was difficult), edit writers’ work with a kind heart and have the ability to help writers retain their style and so the writers great about the editorial assistance. The last thing I want is literarily wounded writers who swore off writing because we didn’t exert caution. I have some people willing to help, but need to assess if they can. January Humdinger is up and running, around 95% complete. If you’re a writer and don’t see your work there or haven’t been contacted, believe it or not, we had a submissions Surge of epic proportions and will still be posting stories and poems. In the case of one writer, I thought I had the final edit, but actually think I left it up to him, so the version isn’t ready for posting. Links that don’t work? Tell me immediately. That’s a serious problem. Discover typos? Same deal. I can be contacted at: Just when I wondered if anyone appreciated this hard work, a writer wrote and told me they put my Christmas card up on the wall. Another said their card is on display. Of course, what I do makes a difference to so many of you and that’s why I endure a few days’ torture for a beautiful monthly issue that honors great writing in every genre we can produce! Hey, guys, VOTE FOR ME! Yeah! It takes a few minutes, but you Can’t let Humdinger’s monumental monthly publication of around 130+ pages go unrecognized! Or worse, lose to a skin mag. We have so much more and the quality’s always astounding and fresh. HERE’S HOW TO PAY CHRIS BACK FOR ALL THAT WORK! Preditors & Editors is having its annual publications poll. If you appreciate Jack of Genre, Humdinger Literary E-zine and/or Chris Goebel’s assistance and useful articles, thank us by nominating us. The polls end January 14th, so every vote counts. The P&E Polls are a great way to thank us and let us know what we do for you matters! Vote now before you forget. We only have until January 14th (the day after Chris’ birthday)! THREE CATEGORIES: Editor: Chris Goebel Fiction E-zine: Humdinger Literary E-zine Poetry E-zine: Humdinger Literary E-zine To nominate Chris Goebel as E-zine Editor (at the humdingerzine.com address): http://www.critters.org/predpoll/zineeditor.shtml Nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine, parent of Jack of Genre at: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/fictionzine.shtml To nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine at a Poetry E-zine: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/poetryzine.shtml 1-7-06 (the wee hours) The Midnight Report Mixing Turkish, Cuban, and American Coffee Computers Suck Vote for me and I'll feel better Around midnight of the evening when I’m working on Humdinger’s newest edition, I post to my blog. This is for those late night readers and writers who came to the website looking for the new e-zine . . . and found nothing new (yet). Mixing Turkish, Cuban, and American Coffee Today, I drank Turkish coffee because I knew I’d need to be strong to get through with the new issue of Humdinger tonight. When I got home, I drank American and later drank Cuban coffee. I haven’t done this before—ever. Nor can I recommend it. But, I’ll let you know later how many hours I could stay awake. Ha, that’s not really helpful. Without coffee, I can stay awake for two days. Always have been able to do that. Computers Suck I hate viruses, slow computers, mysterious bugs, freezing up, file variations, etc. I heard about a trash truck blowing up in Miami in the other day and leaving bits of melting metal everywhere. Hmm. Computers can blow up. What’s my anguish? I’ve spent hours today and yesterday and over the past few weeks dealing with what amounts to a horrendous number of “bugs.” If only bug spray worked for computers. The speed at which I can get the e-zine up is being seriously hindered. However, Tim Bruderek has already judged the Writing Contests from December and you can read his decisions by clicking here. Meanwhile, I’m back to work, wide awake, of course and feeling better just because I wrote to you, because while it’s awful to have catastrophes alone, with company, it’s just embarrassing. See, my situation improves. Vote for me and I'll feel better Though I suffer for you, dear writers, you can help me feel better by voting for me and Humdinger. Ha! Were I to win recognition, I would howl at the rising sun! Want to help? I and Humdinger are in the running for three polls: E-zine Editor, Chris Goebel (at the humdingerzine site, please), Fiction E-zine, Humdinger Literary E-zine, Poetry E-zine, Humdinger Literary E-zine The three links to vote are listed below. Each person can vote once. E-mail verification is sent to you to ensure more honest voting. Once you confirm, a vote is entered. One confirmation is needed per e-mail address, no matter how many times you vote. You can use the back and forward arrows on your browser to use these links easily and quickly. They don’t require your address, just name and e-mail. To nominate Chris Goebel as E-zine Editor: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/zineeditor.shtml There are two addresses listed. Vote for Chris at the www.humdingerzine.com address. Nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine, parent of Jack of Genre at: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/fictionzine.shtml To nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine as a Poetry E-zine: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/poetryzine.shtml 1-5-06 Preditors & Editors Polls Adware and Spyware: Have you hugged your computer crap today? January 7th, January Edition of Humdinger and my Handy Espresso Recipe Preditors and Editors (intentionally misspelled to represent editors which are predators) are recommended on my resource page as a website that tells writers which agents and editors are preditors (ie., charge us money when they shouldn’t, charge too much, make us cover expenses we shouldn’t, etc.). That’s why so many writers are fond of P&E, because they represent justice for writers. I’ve viewed their polls for years and it is one of the most important awards I or Humdinger could earn, particularly because I respect what they do. Also, they are a readers’ choice poll. I’m not thrilled to be beat out by a skin magazine (earlier today, though voting stops on January 14th, so there's still time for someone wearing clothes to win). Hopefully, on January 7th, when readers and writers return to Humdinger for January’s e-zine release, they’ll help support Humdinger too. Still, for our first year in the running, we’re doing well. Want to help? I and Humdinger are in the running for three polls: E-zine Editor, Chris Goebel (at the humdingerzine site, please), Fiction E-zine, Humdinger Literary E-zine, Poetry E-zine, Humdinger Literary E-zine The three links to vote are listed below. Each person can vote once. E-mail verification is sent to you to ensure more honest voting. Once you confirm, a vote is entered. One confirmation is needed per e-mail address, no matter how many times you vote. You can use the back and forward arrows on your browser to use these links easily and quickly. They don’t require your address, just name and e-mail. To nominate Chris Goebel as E-zine Editor: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/zineeditor.shtml There are two addresses listed. Vote for Chris at the www.humdingerzine.com address. Nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine, parent of Jack of Genre at: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/fictionzine.shtml To nominate Humdinger Literary E-zine as a Poetry E-zine: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/poetryzine.shtml Adware and Spyware Have you hugged your computer crap today? Adware and spyware. Oh, we love them, don’t we? I spent two days battling junk heaped on my computer before I reinstalled ZoneAlarm. Get ZoneAlarm. It’s cool. ZoneAlarm’s free and blocks the bad guys. I’m seeing it happen now, though I’d been warned. You can download this firewall at the website located below: http:www.zonealarm.com Back to adware and spyware. Adware comes as a malicious advertisement that won’t go away. I received one of the worst: a desktop hijacking ad for spyware remover, of all things. My desktop decorations were masked by the Ad that Won’t Go Away. The ad is stored in your computer’s registry. Worse, Adaware and Spybot Search couldn’t get it, neither could AVG Free. Then, I had a Trojan Horse Downloader, which downloads more junk into your computer, the Trojan horse that’s just beginning to siege your city. Any of the free spyware programs above could isolate it. Best of all, though, is to get ZoneAlarm now, or, of course, a similar butt-kicking firewall/anti-virus/nuclear missile for adware and spyware. January 7th, January Edition of Humdinger Saturday, Humdinger will be out. I’m guessing during the evening hours, but I’ll have espresso and see what I can’t get done. How about that? I drink espresso on rare occasions, and drink it Miami-style. Here are two secrets (and some people in Miami would die to know): When making the espresso, PACK THE ESPRESSO WITH A SPOON AND ADD MORE ESPRESSO. SECRET TWO: Mix ½ cup of sugar with the FIRST FEW DROPS OF ESPRESSO, not adding enough to wet the sugar, but a few drops, as I said. Stir the sugar for around 2 minutes, until it turns a caramel color. If it’s not smooth after that time, add a few more drops of espresso. The coffee should have no bitterness. If it does, add a little more sugar until it is slightly sweet. This process has made the sugar like candy and changes the consistency of the espresso! For those of you who drink demitasse or those unsweetened espresso concoctions, you’re missing half the rush. Ha. Just don’t drink it when you plan on sleeping. 1-2-06 BAD JUJU-Infected Computer I have no idea what Bad Juju originally meant, but I know what it’s supposed to mean now-something rotten’s happened <grimace>. Last night, my desktop was hijacked, but Adaware and Spybot couldn’t remove it. Worse, both programs said I had 11 nasties, including a Trojan Horse, TrojanDownloader. The way they describe it, the TrojanDownloader acts like something else, while downloading more terrible things into your computer. Since Adaware froze, can you believe it?, unable to remove this junk, I used Spybot, which seemingly scanned, but did nothing. SO, I downloaded SpySweeper, which ran for 1 ½ hours, told me what I had and then wanted $30. Okay, I always try free first, because sometimes, free works, you know? Then, I downloaded AVG Free, which sounded great, because it scans your e-mail too. AVG tried to immediately “heal” the desktop hijack, which is an advertisement for spyware that won’t go away until you buy it! But the hijack came back immediately. Also, AVG said I had only the TrojanDownloader and supposedly inoculated it. Things got worse, and if you’re not technical, well, my computer wasn’t working so I could get online and there was the knowledge that more bad stuff was going to be downloaded into my computer by the things I already had. What I’ve learned so far that will benefit YOU. I cannot recommend SpySweeper. After I tried to remove the program-it didn’t work after all, so why keep it?, my computer wouldn’t access the Internet. I rebooted. Then, I had nothing on the screen, though my DSL provider’s equipment showed my computer receiving local access (it was online, even though I couldn’t see anything). I rebooted. Now, my computer’s in safe mode. Safe mode happens when super terrible things are happening with your computer and is basically for repairing your computer, not much else. I cannot recommend AVG, because it only removed 4/10 nasties. If AVG Free couldn’t do it all, why get it? Since my computer got WORSE after downloading these programs and since neither program fixed the problem, I advise you NOT TO DOWNLOAD THESE PROGRAMS. If/when I learn more about this problem, I will let you know immediately. Meanwhile, I’m using another computer <sigh>. I have access to several computers, but prefer mine, naturally. Learn all you can about protecting your computer. ZoneAlarm, a free firewall, has received raves from my friends and family. 12-31-05 My Lucky Slipping in Coffee Accident, I Guess . . . , STAR TREK and DOCTOR WHO Happened Here, Speeding Up Your Computer (You’ll learn a USEFUL WEBSITE), Poems for Dedication—If You’re a Poet, Everyone Would Like YOUR Help!, Happy New Year! What’s Your Resolution as a Writer? My Lucky Slipping in Coffee Accident, I Guess . . . Yesterday, just as my son had flown out and I had time to sit down to Humdinger business, I spilled a little coffee on the floor, BUT I didn’t know that. When I returned to my room to get something, the SLIP happened. I can be clueless when it comes to technology, but this time, I was footless when it came to walking! The slide was pretty bad because it happened in a narrow hallway. I slipped on the tile, slid across the floor, tried to stop it with one arm (sprained the wrist), hit my head against the corner on the wall (nice bump, too) and then slammed my butt against the other wall (causing five or six alien blotches like silver dollars). I’m virtually touchless now (see, don’t touch!) and am wearing a wrist brace so I can tolerate typing. It could’ve been worse, so I’m lucky, I guess . . . STAR TREK and DOCTOR WHO Happened Here, I’m not a Trekkie, but I might be soon. I just got every episode of the original Star Trek series (I don’t like the other series, for me it’ll always be Kirk, Spock, Jim, Scotty, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov). I’ve watched several so far and it’s been a while, so I sit afterwards and wonder how in the heck those writers got those ideas! Every story I’ve watched so far makes modern sci-fi sound boring. I got one Doctor Who on DVD (the only Tom Baker one on DVD). Tom Baker was the only Doctor Who I cared to watch, but he made the character fun. I have tons of movies, but these guys were hard to get . . . Speeding Up Your Computer (You’ll learn a USEFUL WEBSITE) Your computer’s slow. Everyone seems to have a similar complaint these days. Many technical websites advise to use a combination of free spyware and adware detection programs, such as AdWare and a firewall, such as Zone Alarm. You can find these guys by doing a Google search at: Remember to triangulate, that is, read several sites’ recommendations before you decide which freeware you’ll use. Also, erase those cookies! (Cookies are basically pictures of websites you’ve visited and advertisements you’ve received on the ‘Net.) You can do this by going to My Computer (if this doesn’t work for Macs, I’m sorry. My first computer was a Mac, but I have no idea what most Macs are like now) and clicking on Internet Options. Click Delete Cookies and Delete Files (in the same Cookies box). Then, if you’re familiar with the Task Manager, you can help your computer more. (You access the Task Manager by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete keys on your computer. If you do this once, it won’t reboot your computer. Instead, you’ll see Task Manager and the name of programs. If you have ten or more things listed (running), chances are that’s slowing your computer too. I found an awesome website which tells you what those .exe and other weird files are. It’s: http://www.answersthatwork.com Go to the Task List and look up those mysterious files . . . The website explains what to do about each one. And yes, some require software, so this will take learning time. Poems for Dedication—If You’re a Poet, Everyone Would Like YOUR Help! There’s a new page at Humdinger (when isn’t there?). For a long time, I’ve wanted a poetry page for people who don’t write poetry, but recognize its importance in times of need. A poem can romance a lover, say you’re sorry, propose marriage, honor a hero or a deceased loved one, celebrate birthdays, etc. These people, when I was a Poetry Writing expert at AskMe.com, requested poems from me. They always sought poems to share with people they cared about or to honor someone. I wrote poems for quite a few memorial services and got thanked by a fire department for giving them the words to say goodbye to a fallen comrade. My biggest dedication to the page was for fallen servicemen/women, such as soldiers, police officers, firemen/women. If you know anyone who needs poems to honor a fallen hero, refer them to this page. If you’re a poet, check out the page with some poems I’ve donated and consider donating some of your own poems. You’re not giving up copyright! But we are giving them permission to read them, share them and copy them (imagine for memorial services, etc.) for non-profit use. Hopefully, this will become a huge resource for people who need poets and their poems! Visit the page by clicking here. Happy New Year! What’s Your Resolution as a Writer? Happy New Year! I hope this year sees your work in print often, if you’re a writer. If you’re a reader, I hope you find great things to read, especially here. If you’re like me, you’ll have several in-the-back-of-your-mind resolutions for the New Year. I’m kind of nonchalant about it by now, but the goals are there. Since we’re writers and most people in writers’ lives don’t give a hoot about our writing resolutions, let’s talk about that now. If I hadn’t written a novel, that would be my resolution. Really. I’d sequester myself in my office and get it done. But I’ve written novels and am reworking the chapters in the largest one, which is 477 pages long (after its 6th edit, I’m meticulous about edits). Every time someone suggests improvements on a section, I rework the whole novel. No, I don’t recommend that, but the improvements are great ideas. My resolution will be to get representation for that novel! Then, to do the same for two more and finish another. I’m terrified of my unfinished novel because it’s written in a new world and everything’s different from Earth—flora, fauna, species, history, the sun. Everything. But it’s a goal and we need those as writers. If you don’t LOVE your job, then let that motivate you to work hard enough writing to have the job you’d really enjoy, not the one you have to do because it makes money. My newsletter would help you keep on track and focused, if you haven’t subscribed. I love it because it’s a way for me to communicate with you and inspire you to write. You can subscribe by clicking here. 12-28-05 NEW NEWSLETTER WILL PROVIDE GRANT INFORMATION AND FREEBIES Since I have family that will soon play Lord of the Rings Monopoly (strange how new traditions start), I don’t have much time, but . . . During the day, I worked on FREEBIES and GRANTS for my newsletter for writers, Jack of Genre. Subscribe and the wealth will be yours! I wasn’t planning to do it (anything great I do is an accident), but as link led to link, I discovered the goldmine of Federal grants. And get this, they’re free. I know, people pay hundreds of dollars for that information, but I’ll provide it for Jack of Genre subscribers por gusto (because I want to, ha!). Not only that, but Jack of Genre will provide monthly FREEBIES for writers! I thought freebies would be cool to look forward to every month when Jack of Genre arrives. I wish I had something to sell right, but I don’t. It’s like Christmas for Writers and I love that feeling, giving to writers who, blast it all, miraculously overcome daunting odds to get something written and then published. This month’s freebies will be: free web space (for your website), free add-ons for the same, free books, gardening catalogs (because I garden), a freelance writing portfolio, rhyming dictionary and more! Don’t tell me you read my blog and don’t subscribe to my newsletter! Man, I pour my heart into it. Want to subscribe before the January 2006 issue comes out soon? Click here to subscribe to Jack of Genre: Newsletter for Writers. You’ll receive the newsletter 30 days before everyone else and a password non-subscribers won’t receive to access my Freebies and Grants pages. 12-26-05 BOOKS HIDE WEBSITE SECRETS HOLIDAYS BOOKS HIDE WEBSITE SECRETS At the bookstore today, I perused several Internet marketing books and discovered something shocking: they don’t reveal secrets. How marketing books can dance, romance and appear to promise the sky (when they don’t) and sell, I have no idea. Don’t people skim books before they purchase them? Maybe people lack time, or think they do. What’s missing from these promise-you-the-moon books? How about FREE ways to market and promote your website, freelance writing and book(s)? I hate to say this, because I’d like to think the world was kinder and less selfish, but I may be one of the only ones revealing free promotional secrets. Half the time, I have no idea how I find things! But find them I do . . . Want in on website marketing and promotional freebies? Two ways: 1.) Read old editions of Jack of Genre: Newsletter for Writers. Click here to read previous issues. 2.) Subscribe to Jack of Genre’s FREE monthly newsletter to receive private membership codes for special information and freebies for writers. Click here to subscribe and get free marketing and promotional secrets. You don’t have to spend a fortune to have a decent website. Even if you hired a company to create a website and market it for you, guess what? You’ll Still have to Wait! The Internet’s fantastic for people on shoestring budgets, but it takes longer to market on the ‘Net. So? You have plenty of time to plan for that great vacation home and what kind of car you can splurge on when you become wildly successful. If you don’t believe in your own dreams, who will? HOLIDAYS I had and am having a great time with family for Christmas. I celebrate it with presents, music, movies and all of the food fixings, which can be near-lethal in the right doses! Guys, you just can’t imagine the spread here, even though many of you had the same. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes (a Must here), stuffing, green bean casserole, lasagna (I think Emeril had something to do with it), cheesecake, cherry pie, gingerbread and chocolate chip cookies and more. Presents were right on target, both ways and I’m thrilled to have more canvas and gesso. My art’s in the Austin Museum of Art right now and I hope to have much more on the market soon. Some of you are probably asking, And edit, Chris? Are you insane, or just cruising for a bruising, you pretentious twit? My life’s often crazy because of extreme right-brained creative behavior. I don’t have a choice. I must paint, write, cook, learn new languages, etc. (I also suspect that I must get lost when driving for the same reason.) If I don’t create, I become restless and dissatisfied. And I begin to Rot. Speaking of languages, next I’ll delve in French with a wonder CD set I received for Christmas. But that’s for a reason. I want to visit Paris and see the Eiffel Tower. One of my best friends in high school was French and she confessed to sending unknowing tourists to parts unknown (and Not where they asked to go), so I’d darn well speak the language before I go. 12-21-05 TODAY’S THE SHORTEST DAY OF THE YEAR VIEWING SIGHTS FROM WORLD WEBCAMS: EIFFEL TOWER, EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, BARS, ETC. TODAY’S THE SHORTEST DAY OF THE YEAR Do you ever wait for the shortest day of the year and then miss it? Well, you won’t now! It’s December 21st! Shortest Day of the Year-Winter Solstice You might remember Daisy Buchanan of The Great Gatsby discussing waiting for the shortest day of the year (Was she really stupid? I wonder.). That messed me up, because I haven’t been able to catch the longest day of the year. Now, I know . . . it’s around June 21st or 22nd. It’s called Summer Solstice. VIEWING SIGHTS FROM WORLD WEBCAMS: EIFFEL TOWER, EMPIRE STATE BUILDING, BARS, ETC. If you write, then you know the importance of place. Nothing’s more embarrassing than having a character visit a location and describing it poorly or incorrectly. Plus, viewing sights from around the world is fun! First, I went to view Manhattan from the Empire State Building’s view. Then, I was on to the Eiffel Tower’s webcam. Both are listed below. The winning link I found was incredible: a series of world cams on one website! You can visit bars, ski resorts, beaches, famous international monuments, etc., from the Dashboard of Best Webcams on the Net, listed below. Enjoy! Dashboard of Best Webcams on Net http://www.patricksenecal.com/webcams/w-english0834.php Niagara Falls, Pyramids at Giza, Broadway, the South Pole, a stork’s nest, an Internet café, Sloppy Joe’s Bar of Key West, Florida (a Hemingway hangout), various world cities Empire State Building Webcam http://www.esbnyc.com/index2.cfm 12/19/05 TIME WELL SPENT: GIVING CHRISTMAS HOW DO FOOD STAMPS WORK? (No, I don't need them, but you should know about this stuff!) A PERFECT COOKIE RECIPE (They stay chewy!): LEMON SUGAR COOKIES! I don’t often have the volunteer opportunities that I’ve had this year. By far, the most exciting has been this week. Apparently, an eight-year-old boy told his counselor that his mother sat him down with a sibling and said that they wouldn’t have Christmas this year. Worse, they didn’t have Christmas last year, either. With all of the “magic of Christmas” Santa shows around, you can imagine what this young man felt. At the same time, I asked a friend who does volunteer work if she could find a family for me to help. Voila! Don’t expect it was easy, though! Volunteer work doesn’t promise smooth riding and this one didn’t either. The two children were actually five. Five! So, I had gotten students to raise money for these two kids (yes, children need this interaction with society, don’t you think?) and there were suddenly five. My church came through on this one and helped purchase presents for the other three “girls.” I say girls, because one of the kids had an ambiguous name. You guessed it. That ambiguously named kid was a guy. He had a shiny purse, lip gloss, A Buffy the Vampire Slayer book and a frilly bag waiting for him! Tonight, I’ll somehow rectify that because, after all, there’s a little Chris in Christmas and I bought way more toys than the average person for the first two boys. And yes, I’ll have to run to the store. Again. HOW DO FOOD STAMPS WORK? I’m discussing the family above, but a new subject enters. If you haven’t worked with the impoverished, then you might assume that food stamps cover food costs. Well . . . They get a card with a dollar amount of groceries that’s supposed to last a month. For someone who doesn’t have experience dealing with money, because his/her parents likely didn’t have money, this often fails. Many times, they budget poorly. As a teenager, I realized that I could help adults at the projects next door to my high school. They needed to know how to budget. Simple (I thought). Today, I bank in my head. No balancing the checkbook. No checks. Just cash. I pay bills with money orders and avoid late fees, worrying about balancing, etc. Of course, I manage money like this because my parents had some disposable income. I was used to manipulating sums, whether invisible or not. This is not the same with people who’ve never had much money! In fact, it’s a vicious cycle the poor are in today. Why do you need to know? If you’re a writer, duh . . . But also we need to know this when volunteering. I’m taking toys to the kids, but it’s the end of the month and the budget’s probably extended itself. Food will be a welcome addition. Which led me to . . . A PERFECT COOKIE RECIPE (They stay chewy!) Kids need cookies at Christmas. If you don’t agree, then it’s been WAY too long since you were a kid! So, I went to none other than Martha Stewart to find the perfect recipe. After a little modification, here it is. Copy, paste and print to use this recipe at home. LEMON SUGAR COOKIES Notes about making the recipe are Chris’. These cookies have a slight lemon flavor and stay chewy. If you use regular (salted) butter, omit the salt. 3 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 3/4 cups granulated sugar 1/4 cup packed light-brown sugar 1 tablespoon finely grated lemon zest, 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice. (Try Meyer lemons, guys! I ate one whole today.) 1 cup unsalted butter (2 sticks), softened (Chris’ note: You can soften the butter by zapping it for 30 seconds in the microwave.) 2 large eggs Sanding sugar, for sprinkling. This is big sugar. You can also use the colored decorating sugar. 1. Preheat oven to 350°. Mix flour, baking soda, and salt into a bowl; set aside. 2. Put sugars and lemon zest in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. (Note: If you have the paddle attachment, use it. If not, since this stuff sticks to whatever mixes it, use something flat, such as a wooden spoon, to mix.) Mix on medium speed 30 seconds. Add butter; mix until pale and fluffy, about 1 minute. Mix in eggs, 1 at a time, and then the lemon juice. Reduce speed; gradually add flour mixture, and mix until just combined. 3. Scoop dough using a 2-inch ice cream scoop; space cookies 2 inches apart on parchment-lined baking sheets (Note: You can also use the new aluminum foil that’s supposed to be non-stick). Flatten cookies slightly with a spatula. Sprinkle tops with sanding sugar, then lightly brush with a wet pastry brush; sprinkle with more sanding sugar. 4. Bake cookies until golden, about 15 minutes (Don’t let them get “brown.”). Let cool on sheets on wire racks for 5 minutes (or leave on the cookie sheet). Transfer cookies to racks using a spatula; let cool completely. Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days. 12/17/05 CHRIS RECEIVES E-MAIL REQUESTING WEBSITE REVISION GET A FREE AND EASY WEBSITE FOR YOUR STORIES OR POEMS-FOR REAL! ADD FREE CONTENT TO YOUR SITE (What’s free content?) CHRIS RECEIVES E-MAIL REQUESTING WEBSITE REVISION Today, I received an e-mail requesting that I widen columns on Humdinger’s web pages, because the reader said they didn’t like scrolling so much. I’ll widen the pages, but this leads to an interesting question. What is the best way to format stories/poems online to provide maximum readability? Surely, readers, between us we can come up with a solution? I’d like to hear suggestions about formatting for January’s upcoming edition. Your suggestions, as usual, are appreciated. Click here to submit a suggestion. GET A FREE AND EASY WEBSITE FOR YOUR STORIES OR POEMS-FOR REAL! While doing a search for freebies, I found a place where you can create a free website to promote your poetry, stories and/or blog (website log); that’s right, you can have all three for free. The free websites have some not-too-irritating advertisements at the top of the page. If those bother you, then pay—catch this—$12 a Year! These poetry/story/blog websites appear to be just about as easy as can be to construct. Keep in mind that a simple website’s wonderful to start, to help you determine what features you want in a future site. Promote your work now to show agents and publishers that you’ll help sell your books! Keep copies of all files that you paste into your website. Also, if you have an original and marketable book idea, don’t post those. Instead, post poems/stories that represent your talent and to which you can refer editors/agents, etc. if they show an interest in your work. http://poetrypoem.com/ ADD FREE CONTENT TO YOUR SITE (What’s free content?) Often, what writers need when researching isn’t a search engine. Writers and poets gravitate toward search engines almost naturally. What we need, though, are search keywords. Today, I sought cool stuff that I could add to the Humdinger website. This cool stuff was constantly update reading material that an outside source updates regularly. In a sense, the content’s free, because you won’t usually have to pay to add content. In another sense, it’s not free, because they advertise their services through that content link on your website. So? It’s a fair trade. I searched for “website freebies” and that produced too many options. The magic search words came eventually—“free website content.” That’s when I found updated quotes, jokes, news updates and one-liners (a total of 14 options) at: offers a daily motivational quote that is automatically refreshed on your website. You don’t have to update this material yourself. As they advise, add this type of content toward the bottom of a website page or on its own page, just in case those connections are down one day. A free dictionary look-up, color and font customizable, are available to copy at: http://www.thefreedictionary.com These are awesome freebies—check them out and wow! 12/15/05 EDITOR ABOUT TO TAKE VACATION- TO WORK ON HUMDINGER AND A NOVEL; MORE CHRISTMAS CARDS GOING OUT REMINDER: JANUARY HUMDINGER WILL ARRIVE ON JANUARY 6TH EDITOR ABOUT TO TAKE VACATION- TO WORK ON HUMDINGER AND A NOVEL! My vacation starts next week and instead of traveling afar, I will spend more time dedicated to Humdinger and its writers and poets. Submissions are heavy and brilliant, requiring time and care with each response. Of course, I’m also going to rework the first chapter of one of my novels and change the title. Delving back into my novels requires some bolstering (try forcing), but I’m a perfectionist. If you’ve written novels, then you know that page one requires a heck of a hook and I’m not satisfied with what I’ve got on page one of my mainstream/literary novel. Considering that it has a well-carved 416 pages (it was originally 460), I’m going to care well for it. MORE CHRISTMAS CARDS GOING OUT I wrote 15 more cards today (which takes me about an hour, with addressing) and sent two foreign cards. To send a card to India costs 80 cents and to Canada, 60 cents. I think the post office personnel found me quirky when I said that was reasonable. I love writing the cards and each is special with the specific recipient in mind. It’s the best way I know to show writers and poets that I absolutely mean what I say about Humdinger being a ‘zine that cares. The world can never be so large that we have an excuse to forget our humanity. Business ought to be a reason to remember people who mean much to you, instead of providing an excuse to not have enough time to even respond to e-mails. No, I’ll get to all of the e-mails as soon as humanly possible, mindful that behind each submission to Humdinger is a hopeful writer or poet with worthy dreams. Together, we can start a trend and remind other publications of the importance of their readers and contributors. Think of it this way: if teachers can grade over a hundred papers in a day, surely editors and staff can personally respond to submissions? Some editors claim that they’ve received insulting e-mails from writers regarding critiques. But how many? I’ve received one nasty response out of hundreds (maybe thousands) of submissions. I’ve been on the flip-side too. I reserved my children’s fantasy novel for one literary agent in particular, because he was the man I believed could represent my work. After several months of no reply, I e-mailed him again to see if he’d received the work. He had never seen it, he said. So, I resent. I still never received a reply regarding that novel. As a result, the novel sits on a disk awaiting the moment when I feel the not-so-strong urge to hand-pick another literary agent. Most in the field would remind me: Chris, you can’t hand-pick an agent. You need to send out multiple submissions. <sigh> I’ve considered the possibility of starting my own publishing company for just that stupid reason. If you’ve ever looked at the world and thought you could improve it, you know what I mean . . . REMINDER: JANUARY HUMDINGER WILL ARRIVE ON JANUARY 6TH No one wants to work right after New Year’s Day. Maybe it’s some kind of post-holiday depression. So, January’s Humdinger will come online on January 6th, a beautiful day. 12/13/05 A month to the day from my Friday the 13th birthday in January! CHRISTMAS CARDS GOING OUT FINDING SUPER DISCOUNTS FOR ONLINE SHOPPING CHRISTMAS CARDS GOING OUT To writers and poets. That’s right. Long ago, I decided that (reminds you of Willy Wonka, eh?) Humdinger would be a different type of literary publication, one that values its writers—all of them, published or not. A way to thank writers is to remember them in this holiday season and send cards. I’m personally sending out cards to writers and poets who’ve shared their addresses with me (and that I’ve saved in my author files). Many writers opted not to share that information, but I should say that more provided their addresses and will soon receive a personal card from yours truly, Chris Goebel. Aww . . . If you know you haven’t given me your address, but would like to receive a card, e-mail me at: Editor@humdingerzine.com As promised, my gardening poets have Pride of the Barbados seeds in the mail. Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but buying one of those babies will cost at least $20+ or more—if you can find one! FINDING SUPER DISCOUNTS FOR ONLINE SHOPPING I love shopping online! This is the first year I’ve done it for the holiday season and I’ve been spoiled. How? Hey, I’ve been sending gift wrapped presents for less than most people have spent going to the store. There’s a trick to this. Go to Google (of course, you know I love Google and I’m not a bit political. Google answers my questions and I like it). In the search bar, type in the name of the company you’d like to order from and the words “coupon code.” It would look like this: Macy’s coupon code. If you’re lucky, Google will give you a variety of websites that do nothing but provide discount coupon codes. Examples of codes would be: receive 10% off, free shipping, $5 off, etc. An awesome way to save and this is available year-round. Take advantage of it and you might find that online shopping’s not so bad! 12/09/05 LETTER TO THE EDITOR SLAMS HUMDINGER SITE, WEBSITE REVISION, CHRIS REACHES EXPERT AUTHOR STATUS (LOL), STILL SICK <SIGH> LETTER TO THE EDITOR SLAMS HUMDINGER SITE I love getting Letters to the Editor. Really. Even the one I received today, which totally slammed Humdinger’s website. You can read it now at the Letters to the Editor page by clicking here. Having learned the value of constructive criticism, I started by playing around with word graphics. The next thing I knew, the website looked totally different—even a new color! Wanna let me know what you think? WEBSITE REVISION I’ll bet you’re wondering how long it took me to change the background of the Humdinger website. Okay, the background template took about 5 minutes to select and less than a minute to do. The words, however, oh they took forever. CHRIS REACHES EXPERT AUTHOR STATUS (LOL) I’m an expert. LOL. Not sure why that makes me laugh. Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve been an “expert.” Oh, the status amuses me. Anyway, I used to be a number one ranked Poetry Writing expert at AskMe.com. I was an expert in many fields, but poetry occupied my time the most because of the nature of poets. I became a peacemaker as well as contributor and advisor/editor. Fascinating work and a great time. I still have the T-shirt AskMe sent. Somewhere. Now, I’m an article-writing expert for ezinearticles.com. You can see my article page at: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Chris_Goebel Can YOU publish there? Sure! Your articles will have to be approved and fit within the guidelines. Let me know if you try and I can promote your article. STILL SICK <SIGH> Yes, I’m still coming out of a bout with the ‘flu and a sure way to know is that you’re Still waiting for a response from me. Those of you that know me know that I’m not too terrible about getting back to people. This is the ultimate exception. I can modify the site, write a bit (no short stories, but poetry slowly flows), do small things, but edit? Hopefully tomorrow I’ll resume the task. Right now, it’s awfully hard when I can’t breathe right to give 100% editing someone’s story/poem and Liking it. That’s the problem. I don’t like anything when I’m sick. Except for the kind e-mails I’ve received wishing me well. I do like those. 12/07/05 Continuing Battle with 'Flu Who would've thought I'd still be sick? Guess it's really the 'flu and not just an imposter, eh? But the great thing is that while I'm wiped out, my friend made me chicken soup (I kid you not)And I'm enjoying my favorite kind of weather, brutally cold. Since I was born on what's traditionally the coldest day of the year, January 13th, that can be expected ;-) Additions to the Website Today, I felt able to do simple-minded things, such as add things to the website. Additions were made to The Electronic Writer with the Writing Website of the Month. It's truly a jewel of a find and I hope you get to visit. Click here to discover our Website of the Month. Also, 12-05-05 December Jack of Genre Newsletter Sent Out More Technologically Clueless Behavior December’s Humdinger ‘Zine December Jack of Genre Newsletter Sent Out I send out Jack of Genre during the first week of each month. Originally, I was going to send it once a week (now I realize that was a lapse into INSANITY). It makes sense to write your newsletter in a document and then load it into your newsletter service. Why? If something happened to your newsletter service/website, then you wouldn’t have a back-up. So, I write my newsletter as a Word document. Then, I transfer (copy and paste) that to Notepad to remove weird coding that messes with Website Wizard’s Broadcast system (which I use to mail the newsletters). Once the coding’s in place, I highlight, bold, colorize and organize the newsletter. Once it’s ready, I now send a copy to myself FIRST. If you remember last month’s edition, you’ll know I didn’t do that before—ugh! Finally, once I’ve reviewed the newsletter, I send it out. Because it was a Holiday Special with freebies, I spent hours working on the newsletter, which often doesn’t take me more than two hours. Not so today! I think it took more like four hours. But I sure hope those lucky Jack of Genre subscribers enjoy it. If you’d like to subscribe to my FREE Newsletter for Writers, click here. The Holiday Special will be available online—in January (minus one very special gift)! If you subscribe, you won’t be left out of future deals. More Technologically Clueless Behavior I can be wonderfully stupid. Here I was, searching for freebies and found a Joke Machine. You can see Humdinger’s on our Comic Story page by clicking here, but read this story first. Well, I signed up for the Joke Machine and jumped the necessary hoops to get the cool freebie, but didn’t receive the HTML code (for the less technologically savvy, HTML is a type of computer language: it is Not English!) for the Joke Machine. So, I sent an irritated e-mail to the owner of the product. THEN I saw that Joke Machine had E-MAILED ME THE CODE! Needless to say, this is just another example of a STUPID THING NOT TO DO. I sent the Joke Machine people an apologetic e-mail saying that at least my blog readers would get a laugh out of it, Didn’t You?! LOL (laugh out loud)! December’s Humdinger ‘Zine Writers and poets received e-mails from me regarding their publication in the December edition. At this point, because I still had to produce Jack of Genre for my beaucoup subscribers, two writers still need stories up. Theirs were lengthy edit processes (the back and forth type), which are the most difficult to complete. Theirs will be posted on Monday, if I can. Of course, I have a birthday party to attend tomorrow and am wondering how in the heck I’ll pull it off. As for the rest, all links should be live to sections of the ‘Zine and Bios. Today, I logged onto the site and saw the view of Weehawken only, no Humdinger Literary E-zine, just the picture. Cluelessness, I tell ya. Why didn’t I view the webpage before going to sleep to make sure it formatted alright? Duh! Well, they say you’re smart if you know your weaknesses and I know mine: I’m stupid when it comes to technology. But, I’m gathering speed and one fine day... I’ll be an amateur. 12-03-05 A CASE OF INFLUENZA HITS HUMDINGER It’s a great time of year. Christmas trees, carols, food everywhere and people are actually being nicer to one another. It’s also ‘flu season and yours truly got a stellar case of it. At the worst possible time. So, if you’ve been looking at the site and links haven’t been established yet, or Heaven forbid, your story or poem isn’t up, know that I will get to it. I’ll dose myself up and somehow finish the final details of Humdinger’s December 2005 Edition. My sincere apologies. I knew a monthly publication was going to be a sincere challenge and I accept that because writers and readers deserve as much ;-)
Makes about 20 big cookies (I made 25, mixed sizes.)
Additions to the Website
I added a Site Map, which is a page that tells you what the main pages of the website are. Really, it's for linear thinkers who appreciate organization. However, the Site Map also gives you a quick overview of what Humdinger's website currently contains. Quite a bit! Want to view the Site Map? Click here. I hope you have a safe and productive
second half of the week!
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